I spend some days with a loved one with severe dementia. While I've always known about dementia, I have not had this close proximity to the condition which is an emotional experience. I have learned a lot about dementia, and am getting better at coping with this situation. What have I learned?
"Dementia doesn't play by the rules."
I read this quote in a dementia-related article, and the quote has been ever so helpful to me. As my cousin said, every day holds surprise. With dementia, you cannot predict what each day will be like, and you have to be open and flexible to the surprises that occur.
Dementia is often a slow, progressive disease
I remember when the dementia began. As I do now, I tried to make the best of it and respond as well as I could to make my loved one happy and comfortable. I didn't realize at that time how long this dementia would last, and how slow it can progress. In many ways, dementia is a chapter in life, a new way of being, and life situation. We have to adjust our lifeways, expectations, and responses to this condition. Rather than wishing it away, it is better to accommodate dementia in as positive-as-can-be ways.
Dementia makes you reflect on your own vulnerability
To be around people with dementia is to recognize your own vulnerability as an individual. This might be you someday. That thought is not pleasant, but a reality that we have to recognize. And while this reality can be tough, it also helps one to live their best possible life and prepare for their future in positve ways.
Love
Dementia forces you to focus on love, and how you can show your love in creative, positive ways. The ways you interacted with your loved ones before may not work anymore, and with dementia you have to think anew about what will make someone happy, comfortable, and at peace.
Teamwork
As every article I've read has said, it's best to deal with dementia with a team. My loved one has a good support team, and I rely on that team's expertise, support, and care as I experience this challenging life chapter. I could not do this on my own.