As an educator for 34 years and a parent for 30 years, I've learned a bit about what makes a positive school year. I'm passing on that information for anyone who is interested as a positive school year greatly supports you and your child's happiness and success.
A positive routine is critical
We all thrive when we have a positive weekly routine. It's critical that children and their families have a routine that includes the following:
- three healthy, natural meals a day--good nutrition matters
- a good night's sleep every day that follows a similar bed time and wake up time. Even if your child lies in bed with a book to get started, make sure they get their 8 hours a night.
- place all needed school supplies by the door at night so your child does not forget them the next day
- plan a family study time each school night--one of the most successful students I taught had a family that sat at the kitchen table each night together for an hour or so to complete their nightly study
- read to your children every night--that's critical, make time to read for yourself too
- map out the household chores with who will do those chores and when they will be done
- read a newspaper together or watch the news each day, and discuss current events.
Family meetings are powerful
A successful colleague of mine inspired me to have a family meeting almost every week. I wish I started that earlier. At the family meeting which we usually held on a weekend night or morning, the family would sit in a circle and talk about the week ahead. We would start with going around the circle to discuss what was important to each person, and how we could help out. We also looked at the calendar to think about our schedules and the chores that needed to be done. These meetings give children positive collaborative and communication skills while also helping your family to live with harmony and success.
Make time for fun
My dad took our family for an adventure almost every Sunday of our lives. These Sunday hikes, picnics, museum visits, and more were both educational and entertaining. These events helped to build a strong family culture. It's important to make time for fun each week. This fun does not have to be expensive, but instead adventurous and exploratory.
When in doubt, ask questions in a positive way
It is important to inquire when you don't understand. As an educator, I would tell parents, no question is too small to ask. As soon as you are wondering about something or worried about something, reach out to teachers and child care providers to ask questions about what's going on and what you might do to make it better.
Seek the help you need
There are many agencies out there that can help your family. Rather than staying stuck in a situation, reach out for help. Your child's teacher, guidance counselor, and physician are great resources for support so start there. One family I worked with as an educator relied on family therapy. I saw the great tranformation their family had after that therapy. The mom told me that the therapy did more for her family than any vacation. Of course, they found an awesome organization for therapy--sometimes you have to try out a few places before you find the best resource for your family.
Team with your child's teachers and other care providers
Don't be an adversary, but instead team with your child's care providers. This is as simple as making an appointment with an educator and asking, "How can we work together to make this a great year for my child?" Also, show your gratitude with a nice note or small gift now and then--care providers are often over taxed and a little bit of kindness goes a long way.
Be curious about who your child is and how you can support them
I always say that our children take us down roads we've never traveled and if we are open to the journey, we will have a wonderful adventure. Be curious about who your children are. Listen carefully to what they say and take their questions seriously. Find ways to support their passions and interests--don't project who they will be, but instead be open to who they want to be. Trying out a variety of activities and watching how your children react provides great information about who they are. For example, I tried both skiing and horseback riding with my children, and no one was crazy about it (that was great since those are expensive activities), but they all loved swimming and hiking.
Teach your children to have good character, manners, and respect
If your children gain good social skills, doors will open for them everywhere. Don't let your children be rude, dishonest, undisciplined, and disrespectful. A good way to build character, good manners, and respect in children is to work together in some kind of service work for others. This can be as simple as making a meal for a loved one, creating cards for a sick family member, or volunteering at a local service agency. Work to model good character, manners, and respect too--there are lots of good articles that can guide you in this way.
Know that there are limitless talented, bright, and good people out there
Sometimes families make the mistake of wanting their child to be the best and treat child raising as a competitive sport. This attitude sets your child up for struggle. Instead work to help your child be the best that they can be knowing that there are lots of talented people out there. It's not about being the best in the crowd, but instead being true to yourself and the best that you can be.
Don't let perfect get in the way of good
I knew as a teacher that no child is perfect--children will make mistakes, and if we can use those mistakes as learning experiences, then a child learns how to live life well and navigate through error in positive ways. Sometimes if my child was too exhausted, upset, or distracted, I would write a note to a teacher or care giver to let them know about my child's experience. At times like these, sometimes I decided that homework completion was not important or a grade in school not a priority--I tried to put my children's mental and physical health first. Also, if we let children suffer the consequences of their errors early in life, then they are less likely to engage in more dreadful errors later on.
Engage your children in positive activities
Make sure that your children have a positive routine that fits their personality. Some children like a highly scheduled week, and others prefer lots of time to create, daydream, play, and relax. What's important is that your child has a healthy, positive routine with some social activities and responsibilities that match who they are and what they love.
Be informed
Sadly, in the news, we see many parents letting their own anger, lack of research, and self interest trumping what is healthy and positive for their children. Make sure you do the good research related to issues your children face, and make sure that your research relies on reputable experts. I always use the rule of three when researching--I don't trust advice until I see it from three reputable sources; I typically never trust just one source.
Enjoy
As Mom always said, "Enjoy the stage you are in." The older you get the more you realize that life is fleeting--fnd the joy in each day, don't sweat the small stuff, and love as much as you can. Onward.