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| Garden flowers |
Caretaking takes a toll on me. I find that my caretaking duties definitely have an emotional impact which makes me tired and stressed. Yet, I want to provide care to my loved ones and others in any way I can--I believe that if we make time to care for one another, we will build good lives for ourselves and others.
How can we care for one another in ways that are less stressful and more positive?
Positive caretaking routines
Making a collection of good activities and practices, and then making those activities and practices part of your regular routine helps you to lower stress and increase positivity when it comes to caretaking. Some practices that really support this for me include the following:
- Buying, finding and making articles that improve the caretaking stage--objects that increase comfort, ease, joy, beauty, peace and happiness. For example, simply picking flowers from my garden, putting the flowers in a vase and centering them on the dinner table brightens up the environment. Nice blankets, new sheets, chair covers and other comfort items are positive too.
- Finding the best places to buy foods--places that are easy to access and reliable. For example, there's a sandwich shop near my parents' house that makes great sandwiches and sells fresh, delicious produce--that's a go-to place for my regular visits.
- Registering the kinds of events that result in joy and happiness. Intimate dinners with loved ones often result in satisfying, loving, happy times--that's a positive for the caretaking routine.
Eliminate or minimize challenging events
Identify the activities that don't work and minimize or eliminate those activities. Sometimes we may plan events that we think will be very positive for our loved ones only to find those events to be less than positive. It's important to notice what doesn't work. As much as possible I try to carve out positive patterns and eliminate the activities that don't result in greater happiness, comfort, ease and peace.
Honest conversation
When the time is right, it is good to have honest conversation about the caretaking. Questions such as these can help:
- What do you need?
- How can I help?
- Would you rather _______________ or ____________________?
- What's the worst case scenario--how can we avoid that?
Keep it simple
When caretaking involves more serious or complex issues, keeping the care simple and personal helps a lot--too much complexity in conversation or activity can create more havoc and unease.
Respite
If you are a 24-7 caretaker, you do need to give yourself a break now and then to get perspective. If a loved one is a 24-7 caretaker, helping them get a break is positive too. How can you lighten their load?
Take the long view
When caring for our loved ones, we have to stop now and then to look at the long road, thinking what is it that I want to do with the long run in mind--in ten years or when this chapter ends, what will I be satisfied with, what will I be glad I took the time to do? With every loving relationship, this is an important consideration.
Caring for those we love is something most of us want to do well--we want to make our loved ones' lives rich and fulfilling, positive and comfortable, happy and joyful. Recognizing what we can do to help is positive, and continually reflecting upon our words and actions, helps us to better our service along the way.