A loved one has chosen not to attend a big family event. We will miss him very much at the event. Is his choice not to attend the event a good choice or not?
To make sense of this, I thought back to times when I've missed big events. Long ago, in the thick of teaching and parenting young children, I missed an important family funeral. I was so tired at the time that I couldn't even wrap my brain around the transportation, clothing, childcare and substitute plans needed to attend the event. I was exhausted, stretched, overwhelmed, and I simply could not add one more event to my life at the moment. I opted not to go, and while I still feel bad about missing that important family funeral, it was the right decision as if I went I would likely have made a mistake or neglected necessary obligations. On another occassion, I came down with the flu--I was too sick to attend an important event, and there were other times when my financial, at-home and work obligations and situation made it too difficult and unwise to attend events.
We simply can't do all or be all things, and sometimes we have to miss events we really want to attend because of our primary responsibilities and obligations. Often, when met with challenging decisions like this, I think about the long run by imagining what might happen if I choose to attend the event or not choose to attend the event. Sometimes, it's worth the risk and sometimes it's not.
The same will be true for those we love. Sometimes when we plan events that we want to share with those we love, those we love won't show up due to issues that mostly have nothing to do with us, but instead have everything to do with their primary responsibilities related to personal health, safety, security and capacity. That happens.
As for my loved one who will not attend the special event. If he did come and what he fears happens, he would never forgive himself, yet if he doesn't come, he'll simply miss a family event--the kind of event that will be repeated soon during the holiday season. So, as I think about this, I think he is making a wise choice in this situation.
For the most part, we should do what we can to be there for our loved ones, but sometimes, as noted above, that's simply not possible or positive. Onward.