We all probably define the adjective pushy differently, yet today as I thought about the definition, I thought about those that push in ways that bother or annoy us. They may push before we're ready, in ways that make us uncomfortable, and for matters that we don't agree with. I also thought about where these pushers come from and why they are pushy. I thought about the times that I've been pushy too.
Why pushy?
You can be pushy because you're impatient to make something happen right away. You don't take the time to read the landscape and listen to others, instead you push ahead. You may do this because you're afraid you'll miss out on an opportunity or because you believe it is the right time to seize that opportunity no matter what anybody thinks. Sometimes that's probably a good idea, but when you push ahead before colleagues, friends or family members are ready, you may pay a price for that real or perceived impertinence. If possible, it is better to gain approval or reach compromise when others are involved. It's also good to be patient, thoughtful and empathetic about actions.
Pushiness may derive from fear or a strong sense of justice. You may see an opportunity or need to act, and push people to act because you fear the consequences of inaction or because you believe that to act is the only right response.
Often, however, to be pushy is to simply be insensitive to where other people are coming from, and that annoys people and pushes them away from you. No one wants to be ignored, unheard, or dismissed, and when you're pushy you may do that to others.
When we feel strongly about an action and when we are eager to act, how can we refrain from pushiness--what can we do? First, we have to relax and see the timeline related to the action with sensitivity to those involved and a realistic perspective about how time affects the decision and action.
Next, we have to think about those involved and plan our response with care for their timelines, perspectives, needs and interests. When we do this we have to remember that to foster strong relationships and work as a team typically brings greater success in the long run. Retaining team often trumps the actions involved.
Good timing is essential to goo work and if people see you as pushy, it is likely that your timing is off in some way and it is time for change.