I spied sadness in a friend's eyes recently. I wondered what was making them so sad, but I didn't want to intrude. Perhaps it wasn't sadness, but exhaustion, worry or disinterest instead, but typically when I think I see sadness, it is sadness.
What do you do when a friend is sad--how can you help?
The worst thing you can do is offer unsolicited advice--no one likes that, and for me, a person who like to solve problems, I have to warn myself to stay clear of that unhelpful path.
What is the best you can do for your friend?
To understand this, I am thinking back to days of utter sadness that I've experienced in life--days when I had a hard time coming up for air. What helped?
Getting involved in good pursuits was definitely helpful during times of sadness. I remember one time when a thread of sadness infiltrated my life and my activities at the time were my salvation. I was busy and some of those activities I was busy with were awesome.
At another sad time, I prayed and reflected a lot. At that time, I focused my sad energy on meaningful people and pursuits. Afterall sadness is a kind of energy, and I tried as best I could to forward that energy in a positive direction--that worked after a while.
Then a third time when I was very sad, I made some good changes in my life. I was too mired in a situation that caused more sadness, and to rid myself of that sadness I had to make some decisions to change some of my lifeways--that worked in time.
Sadness happens to all of us and it happens to our loved ones too. I don't know which hurts more, your own sadness or the sadness of a friend, but whomever it is, sadness is not something anyone looks forward to.
So, back to the original question, what can I do for a sad friend?
First, I thought about what I might have done to cause the sadness. I came up with a few possibilities, and with that in mind, I'll be careful not to repeat those actions eventhough that might not have much to do with the sadness. Yet, to not repeat those actions, will lead to better harmony with this friend and others too.
Next, I think it is important to let the friend know that I'm available should they need me. If I have what they need, I'm here and happy to help out.
And, of course, some space is valuable. Often when friends are sad, they simply need time to sort out life's priorities and vision. Sometimes sadness occurs because what you thought would happen, didn't happen and you have to rework life's agenda.
Fortunately, in almost all, if not all ,cases of sadness my friends have endured, there's been a happy ending. At some point and for some reason, the sadness ended. Usually the end came after a number of tries to remedy the situation until a clear path to happiness was found. In general, the happy path included new people, places, and activities that helped a person move from one place to another. For me, at one sad time, it was a new and beautiful location with a whole host of interesting people that turned the page from sadness to happiness.
We will all experience sad times, and the best we can do during that time is try to find the people, places and activities that lead us once again to happiness. We have to trust that we can make the changes needed as well the fact that the sadness will not last forever. Onward.