We all know that experts tell us that we have to love ourselves before we can love others. Yet, to love ourselves in someways seems selfish, narcissistic and too self-serving. But if done well, loving yourself is an act that makes you stronger for and with others.
How to love yourself
First, take some time out to take stock of who you are. Think about what you're really proud of with regard to yourself and those areas of your life and being that you're not so happy with. With empathy and compassion, give yourself permission to be imperfect remembering all the while that no one is perfect--we all have sides to ourselves that we're less satisfied with--that's life. Then with regard to the parts of yourself that you are satisfied with, think about those aspects of your life with humility, make sure you're not over inflating those characteristics as we've all known people who can be too grandiose when it comes a beloved trait or two. That grandiosity often obstructs the good possible. Then think about the challenging sides to yourself--the areas of life that re more difficult, hard or impossible to change, and less socially acceptable. Most often those traits are the elements of your life that keep you humble, and those are traits you've likely had most, if not all, of your life.
You may approach your challenging traits in multiple ways:
- Have a sense of humor about it--no one is perfect, and the ability to poke fun at yourself and find some humor in the traits that often weigh you down can be healthy.
- If you can change that part of yourself, think about realistic ways to work for change. Then take it step-by-step.
- Find support for that part of yourself. It is important to connect with other people who struggle with similar challenges.
- Understand what it means to have those traits with good, up-to-date research.
- Limit time with people and in places that reject that part of of you, find your people.