Sometimes we experience broken relationships, families, organizations, communities and government agencies? How do we know if something is broken?
Broken relationships
- no spark
- no care
- bad feelings
- no desire to be together
- sometimes danger
Broken organizations, communities, governments
- ineffective work
- disgruntled members, clients
- hamster-wheel efforts that go round and round with no evident positive results, endeavor
- lack of care, concern, positivity, respect
- unhealthy schedules
- oppressive leadership structures
- inadequate, unhealthy environments
- bad feelings, poor reviews
How can we assess situations to see if they are broken?
It is essential to take a hard look at any situation to see if that situation is broken. With regard to relationships, talk helps. Sometimes that can easily happen amongst the people involved and sometimes that requires outside help, but often when situations suffer, the problems are small and the solutions easy to implement. What's generally missing is good communication and understanding. At other times, the issues are greater, and sometimes a broken relationship is simply the result of people moving on in life and little time or will to make that relationship work. When this happens, relationships may want to rewrite their parameters. For example, a weekly get togeher may become a monthly or yearly meet-up. There's ways to make good change without completely giving up on the relationship, yet sometimes ending a connection is the right thing to do.
When the situations you belong to are broken, the considerations are more complex. I'm reading Randall Kennedy's book, Say it Loud, which provides a historical view of racial strife and equity advocacy from multiple perspectives. When we consider the reality of racism, clearly we consider long-held, oppression and struggle that have harmed and hurt too many over time. Kennedy's book tells of how many have worked to end this struggle as well as how they have dealt with the fact that the struggle persists. Broken situations take on a life of their own, and when you experience situations like this you have to continually assess and make decisions about your allegiances, efforts, energy, mindset, knowledge and more. Some questions, that I believe can help you find your way in these problematic situations include the following:
- What is my vision for this situation?
- Who shares my vision, and why do they hold that vision?
- Who does not share my vision, and why don't they share my vision as well as what vision do they have?
- Who can I trust in this situation? Who can't I trust?
- Am I contributing to the problem?
- Am I contributing to the solution?
- Should I leave this problem, and find another place for my good energy and will?
- Should I rethink how I am working for change?
- Do I need to work outside of the situation to gain strength and greater advocacy for change?
- What protocols will I follow to stay true to the cause and use my energy in ways that positively affect good change and evolution?
Should we remain in a broken situation?
This is a question that many think about. To make a decision, you have to weigh the pros and cons of staying vs leaving. The more specific you can be about the pros and cons, the better your decision will be. We hear stories of people who leave and have regrets as well as stories about people who leave and never look back because it was the right decision.
If we choose to stay, what can we do?
If you decide to stay in a broken situation for good reasons, you can be strategic about what you do. First, think about your contributions to the relationship or group? What do you bring that supports your vision? Then think about the changes you would like to see to better the relationship or group? What changes can you work for given the time, energy and allegiances you have? How might you positively work towards that change? Develop a strategic plan, assess the plan as you implement and revise as needed. Remember that it is unlikely that you will be able to change everything or completely fix a broken situation, but you can better a situation in significant ways, and in the best of scenarios, one positive change will lead to another.
As you work for change, ensure that your voice and actions are positive, respectful, well-researched and if possible, collaborative too. Keep track of your efforts, share the good news as well as the roadblocks you experience and celebrate the small wins too.
Nothing in life is perfect, but some situations are hopeless and in other situations, we simply have nothing to offer for all kinds of reasons such as lack of respect, no voice, prejudices, corruption and more. We have to determine where we stand in broken situations and what we will do. Then we need to work for more positive placement for ourselves and others. This work can be painful, frustrating and difficult, but if we do figure out what to do and then move in that direction with positivity and respect for others and ourselves, we will likely find our way to a better place.
My response
I've both stayed at and left broken situations overtime. With respect to challenged situations in my life now, I want to stay and work to make better. With regard to more personal relationships that may experience challenge, I want to do all I can to revise and remake those relationships for warmth, strength and good will. There's no relationship in my life right now that I want to give up on. As for the greater world and situations that exist, I want to work for betterment in meaningful, positive ways. There are many options out there, and my first step is to learn more by reading more--it is a time of study for me, and the challenge is to commit time each day for that study. It is also a time to shore up some of my weaknesses so that I'm stronger for the next step--a step to be determined in the months ahead. Onward.