What happens when people are mean? How do you react?
I truly believe that most times when a person may be mean, that person does not intend to be mean. I believe that meanness derives from multiple sources. Of course, there are some who sometimes simply choose to be mean.
Thinking about times when people may have interpreted my behavior as mean, I believe I was mostly frustrated, caught unaware, harried, guilty or angry. Only once can I actually remember outwardly choosing to be mean--it was a dreadful small time decision I made that had some dire consequences. I made the choice because I was upset with a loved ones decision. I'll never do that again.
My experience of being mean happened during these times:
- Someone surprised me at work with a decision that thwarted the hard work and plans I had engaged in over time. I reacted in ways that could be interpreted as mean, but in reality, I was simply frustrated as my work and time was discounted, unappreciated and disrespected.
- I felt guilty that I didn't do enough in a situation, and when the situation failed, I became upset.
- I was defending an underdog who had met the wrath and injustice of others.
- I was acting out because I was hurt, in a sense I was pushing back.
- I was caught in a difficult decision and didn't know what to do.
- Jealousy got the best of me.
In all of those circumstances, I never intended to be mean, but my emotions, lack of preparation, impulsivity and lack of experience with such situations caused behavior that could be interpreted as mean.
So, when people are mean to me. I think about my own experiences with meanness, and I try to react with as much empathy and sensitivity as possible thinking that it is likely not the other person's intent to be mean, but instead a reaction that could be based on a myriad of other decisions and emotions.
So rather than fight meanness with meanness, I choose one of the choices below:
- Ignore it knowing that it's not the person's intention and it will likely not happen again anytime soon.
- Talk it out in a calm and thoughtful manner by acknowledging the behavior and the way it made me feel.
- Peacefully offering alternatives with regard as to how to handle the situation.
People will be mean from time to time. If patterns of meanness continue after we've talked to people, we may need to make different decisions, but at first, it's best to be empathetic and think of the many reasons why meanness appeared. Onward.