In my early years of teaching, about thirty years ago, conflict resolution became a big topic. Together teaching teams strived to find the best ways to help children resolve conflicts. The principal at the time came up with a great "First step, second step" strategy where children were taught to take the first step when conflict arised which meant that children should try to solve the problem themselves with good words and positive actions, and then if that didn't work, their job was to take the second step which was to seek the support of a trusting adult. When children came to us for help, we would first determine if the situation was dangerous--if dangerous, we would employ safety strategies right away, but if not dangerous, we would lead students through a conversation which began with giving each child a chance to express their side of the story. Then, after both children spoke, we would say, "Now that we've heard both sides of the story, do we have ideas as to how to solve this problem?" In most cases, the conflicts were resolved quickly with this "First step, second step" process.
This "First step, second step" effort was powerful. Essentially we gave children good language and strategy to solve conflicts. Yet, as an educator, I admit that I sometimes found this to be a tiresome addition to the curriculum since I was fully focused on the curriculum programs more than the social-emotional learning programs. Now, with hindsight, I know that the social-emotional teaching program is second only to to safety when it comes to successful teaching and learning communities. When you look at data related to success in most professional areas, social-emotional skills and savvy almost always comes out as a most valuable skill and ability.
At home and in learning communities, we need to make conflict resolution a top priority. If we do, we will support better, more loving communities everywhere. Onward.