The concept of the bad buy is embraced by many in society. When troubling events happen we often point to the bad guy or bad gal as the perpetrator. It's easier to blame someone for bad events than to look at all the factors that created havoc, pain and challenge.
The truth of the matter is that there is rarely one bad guy or bad gal, and the truth is that bad events are the culmination of many factors past and present. This does not excuse people who hurt people in significant ways. We all have the responsibility to act with humanity towards one another, but it does point to the fact that if we are satisfied with simply blaming others for the troubles that exist, we will never make those troubles better.
How can we move from the blame and shame that a bad guy mindset creates to a broader, more helpful problem solving mindset? What can we do?
Get underneath the blame
A long time ago, I wanted to blame one bad guy for many troubling events in my midst. Clearly the bad guy played a major role in the problematic situations that existed, but there were many other struggles at play. One struggle was the fact that I didn't know the best way to deal with the situation. In hindsight, had I used better advocacy and strategy, the situation would not have become as troubling as it did. While I didn't have the skill or knowledge to do that at the time, if I had sought expert support and advice as soon as the issues started, I would have been better off. There were other factors involved as well, factors related to societal inequity and bogus myths about gender, class, learning style and more. It was a complex situation which has taught me that when we want to blame someone for a troubling situation, we have to look at the situation in a deeper, more comprehensive way.
Recently I experienced another situation like this. Quickly people wanted to blame one bad guy for a set of circumstances when, once again, the truth was that the situation had many antecedents. When some wanted to blame, I cautioned their blame pointing to the many factors at play. That diffused the situation, and by looking at all the factors leading to the struggle, we all learned some good lessons to apply in future, similar situations.
Think about what matters to you
Way back when I wanted to blame bad guys for troubling events, I often stopped short of severing relationships choosing to refrain from the kinds of words and actions that fraction friendships forever. I'm so glad that I had the sense to do that. Before we make others the bad guys, we have to think about what those relationships mean to us, who those people are and what we want our connections to be. Sometimes we will decide to end a relationship, but that should only happen when you've considered the situation fully with regard to the present and future. Recently I sadly ended a good friendship due to matters that I felt were signficant. I hated to end the friendship, but I could not accept the individual's choices anymore since I felt they were very dangerous to herself and others. Yet, in most cases, when I consider a relationship strife, I choose to do what I can to keep the relationship strong and lasting.
Prevent the bad
Do what you can to prevent the bad possible. For example, speak up when bad seeds begin to take root--help people to work against the temptation to act in ways that make them the bad guy. Also create environments where you work and live that prevent people from become bad guys. Do what you can to support the good. Take the time to think situations out fully before you act.
Too many times in the past when I did not prevent the bad from happening, I was stressed and without the kinds of good supports necessary to work against the challenges that can occur in life. Time is a critical factor when it comes to fully analyzing what's happening and what you can do. When we don't give critical situations the time and analysis they deserve, we often err.
Beware of simply blaming others when bad things happen. Instead, look more fully at situations like this and work for the common good. Onward.