I found it surprising as an educator that when I would praise one child, other children felt bad. I would respond, "Just because I'm pointing out one child's success doesn't mean I don't regard you highly. When you play the compare game, no one wins."
Some of us grow up in competitive environments, or for lots of reasons, may simply have a competitive mindset. This mindset or environments finds you comparing yourself to others. You often wonder: Do I measure up? Am I doing well? Where do I stand?
The truth is that when we play the compare game, no one wins. There's no way to compare the value or success of our lives since our lives are so multidimensional--we may come out ahead in some arenas and behind in others, but that doesn't mean one life is better than another life Better than compare, I think it's important to work for as much common good as possible by supporting each other's quests, dreams and needs.
When I was in my twenties, I didn't have children. During that time I had many adventures. A friend of mine had children and few adventures. I remember comparing our lives thinking I was lucky to have so many wonderful times. Later in life, when that women's children were older and I had young children, the tables turned--she was adventuring while I was mostly at home. That experience showed me that during life we have times of great excitement and adventure and times that are a bit more challenging, yet enjoyable in other ways.
I've also watched my parents' very long lives and witnessed their ups and downs for over 60 years. I've seen how their lives measured up to their friends' and relatives' lives, and the truth is that most lives are a mix of ups, downs and ordinary times. Few lives are that much better than others. Of course, there are lives that meet with tremendous struggle or amazing richness, but those are few. Most of us have a mix of goods and bads in our lives, and there's little real substance to labeling one life better than another.
Rather than play the compare game, it's good to spend your time working for your best life and the best lives of others. If you like something someone else has, work to have it yourself or simply enjoy that lifeway when you are with those people. For example, I have friends with homes in wonderful places. While it's unlikely I'll ever live in such a beautiful spot, I can enjoy those places when I visit, and in a similar way, I can share the strengths and positivity of my life with those people as well. None of us have the same lives, but we all have something good to offer. To recognize that helps us to enjoy each other's good lives rather than be mired in competition and comparison.
When we play the compare game, no one wins. Instead, work for your best life and support the best lives of those you love and care about too. Onward.