When was the last time you told someone what to do? Why did you do that? Were you layering too much control on the situation or were you rightly directing that person?
I thought of this today when someone told me what to do. The command bothered me a bit, and made me wonder why. Why do we tell people what to do? When is this a good idea and when isn't it a good idea?
In general, it's best to let people come to their own conclusions about how they spend their time and energy, yet sometimes, we help others when we tell them what to do. The help is particularly well directed when we're telling someone who needs our guidance what to do or when we're responding to an individual''s request for help. Otherwise, it's best to let people make their own decisions about what to do.
For example, a family member reached out about a personal decision. He asked, "What should I do?" My response was to encourage the person to make a pros and cons list--list the pros and cons of each decision and let that data inform the decision. Sometimes my response to questions like this may be to provide information that relates to the decision or stories of people who have met similar quandaries.
When people tell us what to do at times when we're not seeking advice, it may be best, to simply listen and say, "I'll keep that in mind as I make my decision. Thank you." Generally when people give too much advice, it comes from their need to be more in control of a situation perhaps because they're overwhelmed or need greater support. See their advice with empathy and understanding related to where they are coming from. Other times when people give a lot of advice, it may be that they know the situation well and want to see you make the best possible decision--they may be looking out for you.
Be wary of telling people what to do, and be open minded and curious when people tell you what to do. There's many reasons why this happens and sometimes it's all the right thing and sometimes it's not. Onward.