As I've lived, it's so clear that we all have some goods and some bads in life. I don't know anyone who hasn't struggled or hasn't had some awesome gifts and experiences to treasure. Sure there are people that may seem to have a little more or less than others, but in general, we all have our share of goods and bads. How does that reality play into relationship challenges?
I've been thinking about that since my friend and I have very different goods and bads. Her goods are my bads, and my goods are her bads. In a sense, we've both dreamed of having what the other has which can breed some jealousy if we let it. How can we deal with that?
First, I just have to reckon with the fact that some dreams I've had for life won't happen. It's not a big deal because I've chosen paths that don't lead in that direction, but there was a part of me that wanted those events to magically appear. The fact of the matter is that few things in life magically appear--if you want something, you mostly have to work and strategize for it. To be true to myself meant giving up on those things.
As for my friend, some of her dreams didn't happen mostly due to life's natural roll of the dice--the surprises we all face as we move along in life. We don't ask for some challenges or life events, but they happen, good or bad, no matter what we do or who we are. And when that happens, the best we can do is embrace what those events bring to us. I have to be sensitive to the fact, however, that sometimes people have to grieve dreams lost without a lot of outside commentary or reaction. It takes time to reckon with unexpected and sometimes troubling life events.
Rather than let the sharp edge of jelousy get in the way of a good relationship, it's best to be as sensitive as possible with good listening, observation, response and support. We'll all live our own lives and we need to appreciate the unique paths of those lives. Onward.