As I read the stories related to Justice Clarence Thomas and his wife, Ginni, I find myself thinking about the relationships I've had that fall under the category of dangerous and destructive connections.
The Liar
At one point in my life, I worked with a liar. This liar had many good qualities, but he was a very weak man who often lied or stretched the truth to smooth things over and get along with others. I understood why this happened because the individual had faced grave bigotry and mistreatment in life. I was sensitive to that fact, but after many lies, I saw how dangerous those lies became--they were disruptive and problematic to the greater environment. It took me a long time to catch on to these lies, and when I did, it was too late to do much about it. However, I think it's important not to trust an individual right away. Instead, stay reserved, don't share much, and when you do share, share in a way that's open and transparent. When people tell you stories or facts, you may want to get confirmation, and don't get involved in sharing stories you may not want public yourself as those stories will likely be shared with others and likely misconstrued too. Bottom line, don't trust unless you're sure you can.
The Gaslighter
I had never heard the term gaslighting until I started researching what one boss was doing to me. That's when the term came up. Again, like with the liar, it's important to keep good documentation and to not trust too readily. I thought the boss had my best interests in mind, but I was naive. A boss is a boss, not a friend (except in rare and special, trusted situations).
The Nazi
Honestly I don't want to befriend those who support Nazi-like beliefs and actions anywhere in the world. I can't condone conversation or actions that promote dangerous and deadly misinformation, lies, and harmful, hurtful actions. Bottom line, don't work or associate with the devil.
The Hurter
I've had some relationships with people who have hurt me in troubling ways. In these cases, the hurt was not grave or mainly intentional, but due to the individuals' own struggles instead. I've learned to distance myself from people who do this as my closeness does not breed positivity with them.
Impulsive
This has been a weakness I've had to deal with. In times of great struggle, I've impulsively become upset and emotional. This has made some uncomfortable. I learned where this came from and have worked to lessen it considerably. When dealing with impulsive, sensitive, and emotional people, it's best to give them space to work out their thoughts, feelings, and reactions. And if possible, help them.
Gossip and Storytelling
I find myself in a precarious position with this because I believe that some news should be shared, and when news is not shared greater problems can occur from conjecture or not knowing. That said, I also believe that some stories should be private and not shared. There's a continuum between what is considered gossip and what is considered helpful information. People interpret that differently dependent on many factors. In general, it's good not to share information you don't want repeated, and if someone is out of line with questions they ask you or information they share, you can simply and kindly express that to them.
Positive Relationships
For the most part, my relationships in life have been positive and productive. I have many good friends, family members, and acquaintances. The bad relationships I've experienced, though few, have taught me about how to better the relationships I do enjoy. Like everyone, I have work to do as well with regards to being a good friend and family member--we're all works in progress.
So getting back to Clarence and Ginni. From what I've read about Clarence Thomas, his character and work on The Supreme Court mostly does not match my central beliefs about life and our country's democracy. This latest episode, however, shows a complete lack of professional ethics or justice, and for a sitting justice on The United States Supreme Court, this is one step too far. It's time for Justice Thomas to resign.