When Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on the world stage last night, I was immediately brought back to a past family holiday that turned ugly. Once when I was a child, my family gathered to celebrate a holiday. I was so excited about the event, and then in a matter of minutes the holiday turned ugly. Fortunately the ugliness didn't turn into any grave, long lasting harm or hurt, but it was ugly nevertheless.
How can we create the kinds of events and environments that invite harmony rather than harm and hurt? What can we do?
Expectations
When people know what to expect related to an event, harmony is more likely. Knowing what's expected with respect to behavior, clothing, the schedule, and more makes people comfortable and prepared for a good time.
Protocols and policies
In many ways I think of the Academy Awards as a kind of Super Bowl for the arts. Yet when it comes to football there are referees and rules. Perhaps there needs to be some referees and rules for the Academy Awards. To create harmony, it's good to share protocols and policies up front so everyone is playing and participating by the same rules.
Last night's show also crossed the line of appropriateness when it came to respect for bodies. One comedian in an attempt to be funny targeted men's bodies with touching and words. Some of the men were clearly uncomfortable. Rules and protocols for awards shows like the Academy Awards may point to areas of humor and activity that are inappropriate. It won't be perfect, and there will still be missteps, but I believe some good, humane protocols and policies may help.
Comfort
Often harmony is lost because people are uncomfortable. Often, in schools, harmony is lost because students simply are uncomfortable--they may be hungry due to rules about food and access to food or they may be uncomfortable due to crowded classrooms that are too hot or too cold. Discomfort may be due to the kind of furniture people have to sit in, access to restrooms, air quality and more. In every environment, comfort should be a consideration as people work to create environments that promote harmony.
Shared values and focus
When a group shares value and focus, they generally have a more harmonious community. At one point in my family life, we started having family meetings. A colleague told me about this and I found that once we started having these meetings our shared values and focus grew stronger as did the harmony of our home. If people don't make the time to share their values and focus, then a lot of conjecture and discontent can seep in preventing the harmony possible.
Respect for differences
No matter what group you belong to, people will be different, and harmonious relations depend on the respect we have for each other's differences. With this respect comes the need for empathy too. When we judge people's actions via our own mindset or experiences rather than stepping into their shoes and seeing it from their experiences and mindsets, we obstruct the harmony possible. Respect and empathy are key ingredients to creating harmony.
It's more exciting and positive to work for harmonious environments than to do the clean up afterwards related to environments that are filled with conflict and contempt. Onward.