A video of a teacher losing it with a child spread through the airways. I ached for the student. I ached for the teacher. While I never lost it to that degree with a student, on a handful of instances, I did reach my wits' end with students. Every situation was similar. In each situation, I had tirelessly worked with a child to serve them well, yet my efforts were not successful. I was frustrated. When I got upset, in each case, I was tasked with multiple efforts at once--I was trying to help another child or children, then the child that exasperated me pushed my buttons with an inappropriate action and/or words. I erupted with anger, raised my voice and spoke harshly. Every time, I greatly regretted the burst, the words, the loss of patience. Every time, I wished I had left the room instead, went to the restroom, and gained my composure. If you are a teacher or parent, you know that children of any age can push your buttons, make you upset, lead you to lose your composure, and sometimes do things you wish you didn't do.
This loss of composure and regrettable acts happened to me about five-ten times during my 34-year career, which was a small amount of times in comparison to the countless interactions I had, yet it should be every educator and parent's aim to never have these kinds of interactions. How can you avoid them?
Don't go to work if you are exhausted, sick, or upset. You can't teach well if you don't have healthy, positive energy. Call in sick.
You are not superhuman. Too often in schools and parenting situations, you are asked to do the impossible. No human is superhuman, and sometimes, you simply have to recognize that you can't do what's asked of you. When that happens, you have to prioritize the most important aspects of the job at hand and do that. Sometimes, you have to get help sooner than later when what you're tasked with doing is simply impossible.
When frustrated take a time out. Children will push your buttons, and before you act with harsh words or actions, take a time out. You can always go to the restroom, and if there's no coverage, find coverage asap. Promise yourself you will do that rather than acting out.
Watch your words. When upset, use positive words. You can always start with, "I really want to do everything I can for you. I honor you as a person. I simply don't exactly know what to do at this moment to help you. I need to take a time out to think about this."
Get support. Find sources of support and use that support when you are at your wit's end with a person or situation. There is great support out there, but sometimes you have to do some hunting to find it.
Simplify. During my worst year of teaching, the supports needed were not available. Looking back there was no way that I could have taught the typical curriculum in the usual ways that year due to the lack of the mandated, needed supports. I should have simplified earlier than later. You won't do anyone harm by simplifying.
Make time for yourself. You have to take care of yourself. People will respect you more and you will feel better. Get the rest, nutrition, recreation, and care you need.
Make time for reflection. Take time to take stock of your life and make plans for the future. Spend time taking care of yourself today and doing what you need to do to make a good future for yourself too.
The Do Not Go There List. Make yourself a list of actions you will not do under any circumstances. Post it somewhere that's easily found. Stick to that list. It's almost never worth acting in ways that will cost you your job, respect, peace of mind, or values. Every teacher's do-not-go-there list should include no hitting, no angry/hateful words and obviously no illegal behaviors.
Apologies/Forgiveness. When you err, apologize. Also, forgive yourself for your missteps. No one is perfect.
We will all reach our wits' end at times, but if we can plan ahead as to how to act at those times we will be better off for it. Onward.