I remember the days before giving birth to my sons. There was no way to predict exactly how the birth would go. It was a time of anxious and excited anticipation and curiosity. Now, I realize that death, in some ways, is no different. We simply don't know exactly how people will die. As death approaches, there are books we can read and experts to consult, but, in general, we simply can't know exactly how death will occur. The days leading to death, like birth, are filled with anxiety, but unlike birth, there is no excitement or enthusiasm. Instead there's a will to find meaning, peace and grace in the process--a process no one wishes for, but one we all experience.
About a year ago, I began the death process with a family member. I expected death to come quickly, but instead it has been a very slow process of letting go of life step by step. Days of endless energy have been replaced with days of endless sleep. A quest for conversation has become a quest for close contact, smiles and soothing words instead. A love of bright colors and fancy clothes has been replaced with a desire for comfortable fabrics and easy-to-wear designs. Life has changed considerably, but life continues to exist which leads me to think about this life-to-death process. How do you embrace this process with as much grace, goodness and care possible. What do you do?
With two holidays approaching that bring cheer, I am wondering how to meld the holiday spirit with the obvious death process that exists. How do we celebrate this life-filled holidays with the sadness that abounds related to a loved one's grave illness? What can you do?
Set the stage for comfort and joy
For starters I'll set the stage for comfort and joy. For my loved one who is ill, I will take some time to brighten up the home with flowers, pillows, colorful tablecloths and other decorations. Keep a space available for quiet comfort and other spaces available for more energized celebrations.
Foods
Keep the food preparations simple. Set up as much as possible outside so the children can run and play. Make sure there are foods that those who are ill can easily access and enjoy.
Heads-up
Make sure that people know about the needs of your ill relative so they will not be surprised and can be as caring and helpful as possible.
Peace, Grace, Joy
Recently a friend relayed a study to me that noted that even when people are ill they can sense the ambiance of love and grace around them. So to create a holiday that is filled with joy may bring your loved one a sense of peace and joy.
Sometimes we may find ourselves avoiding those who are ill because of how difficult it is to face such sadness, but if well done, our presence plays a significant role in their sense of peace at this challenging stage of life. Onward.