 |
| Mom and her first great granddaughter, Athena |
We had a joyful Easter gathering at Mom and Dad's house yesterday, yet as the party went on, I realized how much our family has changed over the past decades. I remembered one Easter past, in particular. It was a happy Easter when we visited Mom and Dad with our first child. There was a lot of life at my parents' house as my siblings ranged from grad students to newly married couples to those embarking on adventures and first jobs. My parents were at a busy point in life as active grandparents, friends, travelers and employees.
Over time, the family has grown significantly. And not unlike the past, family members are still having children, getting married, traveling, embarking on new endeavors, working at all kinds of jobs, and growing and changing by the day, but something is different. I think the difference for me is the long memory I bring to these gatherings now--a long memory of gatherings and people over the years, a memory that brings back so many joyful images and a memory that reminds me of loss too.
 |
| Dad and great-granddaughters Athena and Sophia |
Way back at those gatherings many decades ago, I was so busy with life, my life and the busy lives of other family members, that I didn't think much about loss. Back then, the people lost had not spent that many years with me, but now the people lost are people who spent the greater part of life with me so there is some sadness at events that wasn't there before. Not only is there some sadness for people lost, but there is some sadness for times gone by too. While it is essential that we embrace the new opportunity, potential, and possibility that exists in our lives today, the longer you live, the more there is to miss from the past--good times that bring back wonderful memories.
This Easter the crash of past and present surprisingly and deeply affected me. I was missing the days of old while in the midst of a busy new iteration of our family Easter tradition. There was much to be thankful for. My parents, son and daughter-in-law, my brother and his family, my cousin and her husband, nieces, nephews and grandnieces and grandnephews were there. We celebrated in my parents' home of 57 years. The children were clearly happy and full of positive energy. The food was delicious. We celebrated a special birthday. The day was bright and the storm held off until after the party.
When the party was over and the clean-up done, my husband and I drove off. Rather than the good exhaustion I typically feel after a family gathering, there was a bit of sadness in me, and now I realize that the sadness emanated from those crashing waves of past and present in my mind throughout the day. It was the first time I experienced that emotional storm with such depth.
What does this experience say to me about future gatherings and iterations of our long-held family traditions?
First, I want to reach out to those who will celebrate with me to find out what they hope for in terms of the celebration--how do they want it to go? As families grow and change so will our traditions and it's important to let everyone get involved in the planning related to time, place, activities, food and more.
Next, it's good to make a plan and share that plan so everyone knows the time, place, activities and what to bring. When everyone contributes in some way, the tradition becomes more inclusive, joyful and long lasting.
Know that as we age the old and new become more dramatic. Especially for those of us with good memories, we have to reckon with the sadness that some well-loved experiences and people have passed. To bring meaning to that sadness, we can carry on special characteristics of our lost loved ones as well as continue meaningful aspects of traditions that we cherished over time.
And it's critical to recognize that every gathering is special--make the most of it, celebrate the people there, and bring as much joy and positivity to the event as you can. Also, take a lot of pictures and videos as it's great to have photos and videos to remind you of the good times.
Families will weather good times and bad with one another over time, and family is never a perfect communion, but more often than not, family is a source of great strength, camaraderie and care. So this somewhat emotional Easter opened the door for me to many good years of treasured family/friend care, connections and celebrations to come. For that, I am grateful. Onward.