I tell my children, "When you play the compare game, no one wins." This statement basically points to the problems that arise when you begin to compare yourself to others. Everyone's life has some plusses and minuses--few to none of us live without any joy and few to none of us live without any challenges. No two lives are exactly the same, and when you begin to compare, you rid yourself of the opportunity to live a full and happy life.
You may use comparison to point out what you would like to do or how you would like to live. For example, I've adopted many life ways that friends and relatives have introduced me to. On the other hand though, many friends and relatives have life ways I will never have for all kinds of reasons. Rather than be jealous about those differences, I can embrace the differences and enjoy my friends' and relatives' highlights via invitations to their homes, mutual adventures, their friends and relatives, and more. If we are generous with what we have, we can give some of our bounty to others, and if we're not stymied by jealousy, we can enjoy the bounty of others too. None of our lives will be the same, and when we have an open mind to those differences, we can better enjoy the diverse bounty and gifts of life.
When someone is deeply jealous, they cannot enjoy what you have or who you are. Instead, they spend their time trying to undermine you or figuring out why their lives are better than yours or why your life is not up to par. This kind of jealousy typically has deep roots and is difficult to unravel. But, if a relationship is worth it, you'll make the time to unravel this jealousy in effective ways.
What can you do?
First, if you're the one whose jealous, you need to realistically think about the value of your life--what you have, and you need to think of the reality of the lives you are jealous about. I remember way back when I was jealous of friends who had greater financial resources than me. I didn't take a realistic view which would have demonstrated that their wealth had deep roots, roots I didn't have, and rather than jealousy, I could have simply enjoyed the gifts they had, and worked to recognize and value the gifts I had.
And when people are jealous about you, it's probably best not to share a lot about your life and instead, recognize their good gifts. Often jealous people don't recognize the good they have in their lives for all kinds of reasons, and they are often people who need a bit more love and affirmation. That doesn't mean you let them abuse you with their words and actions, but instead, with empathy, you affirm who they are, share less about yourself, and find activities and conversations that build your relationship rather than destroy it.
Jealousy often arises from too much comparison and judgement during childhood, in family life, at work, or elsewhere. In the work place, jealousy occurs when some employees are unduly treated with privilege while others are left behind. In family life, it can occur when people are judged, tightly defined, and compared. Instead, a team approach can dispel jealousy--with a team approach every group is looked at for the wonderfully diverse and different traits, interests, and capacity they bring to the entire group. Differences are looked at as strengths and no one is tightly defined, but instead, everyone is encouraged to become who they want to be without great judgement or opinion.
We are all jealous at times and we all face jealousy at times. It is a dangerous feeling that demands you look deeply at why it's happening and what you can do about it. It's best to dissect jealousy in ways that lead to healthier, happier relationships because when you play the compare game, no one wins. Onward.