Sometimes rather than think through a situation, we simply assign blame to someone or something. When we assign blame, we don't have to think about the bad feelings, obligation, and analysis that goes along with problem solving. Yet, assigning blame simply exasperates the issue. It is far better to figure out what's going on and reach for a solution instead.
When was the last time you assigned blame rather than work for a good solution? How could you have handled the situation differently?
I thought about a situation when I simply blamed another rather than figuring out a better path. The event wasn't going the way I wanted it to so I blamed a person who disagreed with my ideas. Yet, looking back, what if I had spent more time up front working with this person in positive ways to plan the event? What if I was more collaborative and open minded to the other individual's ideas? Would the event have gone better? Next time, I'll try that and see if there's improvement.
As I read in one article, rather than blame someone for a situation, use that feeling as an opportunity to think about how you could have navigated a situation differently.
What happens when people blame you in ways that you think are unfair? What do you do in situations like that? Similar to your urge to blame, when people blame you, it's an opportunity to figure out what's going on and how to make it better. The articles I read this morning about blame noted that when people blame others it is often because they can't deal with their guilt or bad feelings so they quickly want to assign those feelings and/or guilt to another rather than dealing with them. As I thought of a situation when I was blamed, I thought about the feelings or guilt that may have spurred that blame. Then I thought about how I might help the individual feel less guilty or more positive about the situation at hand.
The articles I read also connected blame to perfectionism--people who blame often feel that they or the situations they're involved in have to be perfect, yet we all know that perfect is the enemy of good--perfection rarely, if ever, occurs and striving for good enough is a more reasonable goal, the kind of goal that lends itself to good relations and collaboration.
So next time you get blamed or want to blame, stop and think about the situation. If you're responsible for a problem, own it and think alone or with others how you might do a better job in the future. If you want to blame others, figure out what the underlying problem is and use that information to better the situation.
The desire to blame or the event of being blamed are wake-up calls that there's work to do. Get underneath the issues and do the work--that will lead to a better outcomes. Onward.