There was a recent article in the news that presented the argument that we don't think enough about friendship and how friendship works throughout our lives. I agree with this argument. Growing up, our family spent a lot of time thinking about and supporting family time, but not as much real time thinking about and supporting friendships. Yet in a world of smaller families and greater migration, friends, in many ways, become your family.
Friendships like all relationships go through lots of changes over time. When you're open and transparent about those changes, the friendships have a better chance of remaining strong, but when you hold on to friendships in way that negate change, then your friendships will likely suffer. Like all relationships, friendships require regular assessment and revision.
To have good friendships, you have to be a good friend. Good friends are there for you when you need them. They reach out with support and are quick to accept you despite your shortcomings. Good friends are also the people you enjoy being with--they share your interests and passions in life.
No friend will be all things to you just as you will never be all things to anyone you share a relationship with. This is why it's good to have a collection of friends--friends who can meet up with you to share in common pursuits, struggles, interests and goals.
Sometimes we may lose friends. This can happen for all kinds of reasons. I remember once when I shied away from a friend because that friend witnessed me in a very embarrassing situation. Just being with that friend reminded me of that event and I ended the friendship for that foolish reason. That was a long time ago, and I've learned to be more upfront about compromising events since then. I've lost other friends because I didn't take time out to assess what was going on between us and make the necessary, but difficult, changes to keep the friendship strong. We bring our most vulnerable, incomplete, and imperfect selves to friendship, and the more we are comfortable with who we are, the better we are able to share these compromised selves with others in honest, open-minded, and flexible ways.
It's good to grow meaningful, supportive, honest, happy friendships with others. Having a curious and accepting attitude towards one another's strengths and shortcomings is a good way to start. Identifying what you have in common and engaging in those pastimes together strengthens the bonds we make. Knowing that we don't have to be in total agreement with friends helps too--we'll fill some of each other's needs and interests, but not all.
Good friendships strengthen the lives we lead in significant ways. It's important to do all you can to bolster those relationships in your life in the ways that work for you. Onward.