It's tough to be a caretaker, and yet, my stint in this role has been short and far less demanding than those who have had to care for people with physical and mental challenges for a long, long time. As a society, we have to prioritize care for those who cannot care for themselves--it is an essential ingredient for a humane, loving, and caring society.
In my midst, there are many who have spent their entire lives caring for people who need greater physical and cognitive support. I have watched these people devote themselves to providing the best possible care and support to those they love in countless ways. Not only are these people there personally, but they also coordinate a host of helpful services, agencies, and individuals in order to create the best possible network of good support for their loved ones. And, they also have to accept and work against the prejudice that often exists when people don't live up to society's standards due to physical or mental constraints.
When we do care for others, our humanity grows and develops in significant, positive ways. Yet, that caretaking can take a toll on us, thus as with all things in life, it's imperative that we find the balance of caring for others and caring for ourselves too. No caretaker can do their best if they don't engage in self care as well.
That said, how do you find the caretaking balance? What can you do?
Educate yourself
Fortunately, at this point in time, there are countless, accessible sources of good information you can access to educate yourself about the caretaking needs of your loved ones. This morning I read a host of good articles and threads about a recent challenge I faced when caring for loved ones with dementia. While no article had a panacea for the issue, every article had some good tips on how to face the current challenge. The more you are educated about the situation, the better you'll be able to provide and coordinate needed care.
Teamwork
In most caretaking situations, you can't do it alone, and if you feel overly stressed, you are probably not getting the support you need. I always look back to the years when I was first a working mom. The day care supports at the time were not ideal and I was often stressed out. By the time I had my third child, the supports and acceptance of child care had grown and improved significantly. I was much less stressed thanks to the better supports. With my first child, I was doing too much on my own, and by my third child, there was a better team of caretakers in place. It's important to put together a good team when you are caring for others, and it's vital to have a good sense of teamwork with that caretaking team.
Healthy, predictable routine
A good, healthy, predictable routine for caretaking will always be a moving target since the needs and desires of those you care for will always be changing, yet to put in place the best possible, predictable, healthy routine for caretaking is ideal. When a good routine is in place, the caretaking is generally better and those you care for are generally happier and healthier.
Respite
When you find yourself frazzled by the caretaking responsibilities, it is likely time for a break and/or change. Recently I found myself in that disposition and recognized that some updates in the caretaking routine were necessary. I've reached out to make those changes, and hopefully the changes will be in place sooner than later.
Idealize
Take time to write down what the ideal situation would be if your loved one had the care you desire, then prioritize and make a plan to put into place as much of that ideal as possible. Of course, ideals are rarely met, but if you don't take the time to idealize first, you're unlikely to reach a top-notch level of care and the happiness and health that goes with that.
Stress is a sign that something has to change
Stress is a wake-up call, and when you feel that, it's likely that something in the caretaking routine has to change for the better. Heed that call, review this list, and work for better. It's worth it to you, your caretaking team and your loved ones. Onward.