A friend remarked, "I don't want to be a complainer," as she told me of a minor struggle she experiences. I didn't think of her as complaining at all. Instead, I thought of her explaining a reality she faces that impacts her life. I felt that she was being honest with me and that honesty helps me to better understand her life experiences, needs, and desires.
Then I thought about myself and my inclination to think critically about all aspects of life. When I express my needs and wants, I don't think of that as complaining, but instead sharing the reality of the situation. For example, I spend considerable time care taking these days. That work is challenging in many ways, and when I discuss the challenges, I'm not complaining, but instead trying to figure out how to make things better.
Yet, when does critical thinking morph into complaining. For example, I know of a person who does a lot for the community--much more than most. Rather than face her work with any critical thinking, analysis, or complaining, she's upbeat, positive, and simply spends her time relaying the positivity of situations and gaining the support of many. She's definitely not a complainer--her actions and positivity far outweigh her analysis and critique. Yet, does the endless positivity sometimes stymie the critical thinking that leads to good, long term change and improvement?
People generally like positivity. They are drawn to those who do their work without too much critique, analysis, and, in some cases, reality. They don't want to know all the troubling details, but want the comfort of knowing that the situation is in good hands and positive efforts are at work to make things better.
How we relay the details of the work we do, dreams we have, and challenges we face matters. If we communicate well, we'll likely enlist more positive support. If our communication is not as good, the support will likely lag.
We have to steer clear of nagging complaints that make people think of us as tiring martyrs and disgruntled folks. Yet, we can from time to time share the reality of situations to enlist support, empathy, understanding, and new ideas. This reality becomes complaining if we simply lament over and over again with same worries and complaints without good action to relieve the situation or the awareness that most people face their own trying situations. No one likes this kind of complaining. Onward.