For about five years, I've watched my loved one's health and cognition decline significantly. Now, the person I knew hardly exists and has been replaced by a toddler-like individual who continues to display intention, but has little ability to care for herself, express her feelings, or experience comfort in her own home. It has been very difficult to watch this decline, and very difficult to keep up with the care needed.
With this in mind, I find myself thinking back to the time when I had to choose day care facilities for my children. I was a working mom who could not stay home to care for my toddlers and young children. I had to hire care so I could work, and I wanted my children to have the best possible care situation With my first child, day care was not readily available or accepted. The idea that young mothers would work was also not widely accepted. I chose a loving woman to take care of my son, but recognized that the burden of care taking for one woman with several young children was difficult. Later, by my third child, I chose a high-quality day care center. I liked this care taking situation better since there were more checks and balances--there was a team of caretakers who could help one another, provide breaks, and together create a loving, safe, and nurturing environment for my child. While still a challenging job, the caretakers in this situation were not as exhausted as a single woman doing the job all by herself. The teamwork was positive.
Now, as I think about my loved ones' care taking needs, I am beginning to think that the team approach of a nursing facility will be a better fit since her care needs are so extensive, tiring, and discouraging. Work like that is difficult to do on your own, but in a team atmosphere where people are supporting one another with and dividing up the work, that kind of care is easier and done with greater regularity, skill, and support. Way back when my son was in a facility that cared for his toddler needs well, he thrived. When I picked him up every day, he was happy which made me happy too. Whereas often when I picked my first son up, the caretaker was exhausted and my son somewhat frazzled too which created angst in my home as well. The caretaker was doing an exceptional job, but as stated before, in any tough care taking situation, it's almost impossible to do it well by yourself--tough situations profit from dedicated teams instead.
So as I weather this very difficult care taking time, I'm beginning to realize that my loved one has outlived her time at home--to meet her needs now requires 24-hour dedicated attention and skill--more than anyone individual can do well. While I'd like to think I'm the superhuman person who can do it all, the truth is that none of us are superhuman, and to recognize our limitations helps us to provide the kind of love and care that truly makes a positive difference. Onward.