Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand people's values. I watch what they do and hear what they say, and it makes no sense to me at all. Why would they choose those words and actions?, I wonder. Yet, I'm sure they feel they sometimes wonder about my choices too.
One of my closest friends often makes choices far different from me. In this case, I fully understand her choices, but she often remarks that she doesn't understand why I make the choices I make and why I don't choose in ways more similar to the way she chooses. In a number of life areas, she simply doesn't understand where I'm coming from. Since the choices we differ in don't play a big role in our overall lives, there's little conflict in this regard, just curiosity instead.
As I write about this situation, I realize I could simply ask people, Why did you make that choice? That's one way to better understand their decision making and values. I could also listen more and observe, and I can recognize that unless a situation is dangerous and destructive, I don't need to get involved.
At times, when there is little understanding, in time, the understanding grows. For example, I listened to a friend tell me about their summer vacation. As I listened his choices became more clear to me--values I had not even thought about became apparent via the stories.
We all experience life in somewhat different ways, and our choices and values reflect that. It is natural for our value system to be personal and unique when it comes to the ordinary events. However, when it comes to the big events and decisions in life, those that affect all of us, that's when we have to bridge the gaps and come to some common ground. Onward.