We all know that relationships change over time. I realized that this morning as I planned a vacation for my husband and I. It was the first time in 31 years that I planned a vacation with little consideration related to my children since they are all adults living their own lives. We've set aside a few dates for all-in family celebrations, but when it comes to vacations, they're mostly doing their own thing now so it was time to plan a vacation for just the two of us. That planning signified a relationship shift--one that I needed to take seriously in order to plan some good times ahead.
These relationship shifts are not always easy. It's often difficult when the parameters change especially if you like the way it was. For example, as a child, I enjoyed our family vacations, but now, so many years later, my childhood family has grown and changed significantly. My siblings have partners and close friends as well as children and their children's loved ones to meet up with and enjoy. That's why we've set aside a few family reunion dates in an effort to keep our ties close, but even setting those dates, places, and activities isn't easy given the great variety of lifestyles, schedules, jobs, and family styles that exist in our large clan.
As I think about revisiting relationships, I'll reflect on these questions:
- Who are the people I love, value, and want to spend time with?
- What's important to those people--what do they need, want, and desire?
- What do those people and I enjoy doing together the most?
- What is our time like--when can we get together?
- What has changed, and how does that affect our time together?
- What do we both desire with regards to our relationship?
- How can we continue the relationship in ways that are strong and positive?