My friend and I discussed the value of seeing family as a team recently during a beautiful neighborhood walk. I remarked that I hoped my sons would work as a team throughout life, and together we discussed what it takes to make that happen. How can we foster team in and among our family members? What can we do and why is that important?
I have experienced the great strength as a team member when teaching. I worked with an incredible team, and I was always amazed at what we could do together. Our varied strengths and common commitment to do our best by the children we taught created a positive landscape for happy success. The children learned a lot in productive, positive, varied ways. We helped each other problem solve and mitigated each others' weaknesses. Together we were much stronger than any one of us was alone. This was good.
While I know my sons will live their own lives since each of them has their own unique set of strengths, challenges, interests, commitments, and dreams, I want them to be able to work together to help one another when they need it and to support a loving, caring extended family. That's important to me and will be important to them and the families they may have one day.
How might I encourage this sense of team?
Collaboration rather than competition
One way to nurture team within your family is to foster collaboration rather than competition. It's okay to recognize individual strengths and achievements, but it's not okay to pit one child's strengths, interests, and achievements against another child's strengths, interests, and achievements. That kind of comparison breeds contempt rather than collaboration.
Shared events and memories
As much as possible, I want to foster a number of shared events each year that bring us together in common pursuit or celebration. Being together to complete an important task or celebrate a signature event helps to foster team.
Responsibility
Responsibility builds team. Without responsibility, people don't learn how to work as a team, but when given responsibility people learn what it takes to contribute positively to a team. For example, I expect my sons to help out from time to time with the needs of the greater family. That teaches them what it takes to be a loving, caring, connected family.
Communication
I write a weekly letter to my sons and their loved ones. I may err on the side of over communication, but I'd rather over communicate than under communicate. In the weekly letter, I try to encourage the best of them, let them know what's going on with the greater family, and describe challenges, successes, needs, or interests I want them to know about. I think the weekly letter which includes a schedule of upcoming events helps us to stay on the same page.
Review, assess, revise
As with any collaborative group, you have to continually review, assess, and revise. What worked for your family team last year may not work this year. You have to make good change when needed. For example, my family now is a family of mostly young adults. Later it's likely that my family will include young children. That will change what we do when we get together.
Make decisions together
When it comes to the work you do together or the time spent, decide together. When one person makes all the decisions, the team aspect of your family will weaken, but when you make decisions together and share the responsibility and efforts of those decisions, a spirit of team will develop.
Don't talk behind people's backs - be open, honest, and upfront
Team is greatly hindered when people talk about each other behind their backs. As much as possible be open and upfront about what's going on. Make sure that you are comfortable with others repeating what you say about people in your family group. It's okay to query about a person's decisions, attitude, or actions, but it's best to be direct with anyone you are concerned about rather than talking about them to others.
Be wary of critique, criticism, and judgement
When we're overly critical or judgmental, we get in the way of creating a strong family team.
Be honest
I'm a big fan of honesty. Not everyone shares my perspective in this area as some are much more comfortable with saying what's convenient or what they think people want to hear. Even though honesty can sometimes get in the way of a good team initially, in the end, I believe that honesty is integral to successful teams.
Do your part
If you want to be part of a team, you have to contribute. You can't just expect others to do all the work. Good teams rely on the contributions of all members of the team.
I want to do what I can to foster a strong sense of team in my family. What else would you add to this list to create a positive team with those you love and care about?