At my mom's wake, an old Coast Guard buddy of my dad's came through the line. My dad greeted him fondly. Over the years, my dad recounted many good memories of his days with Nunny. They were in their late teens when they served together beginning in Cape May, New Jersey. Then, although they lived in the same city, their lives took different paths. Yet, when my dad saw Nunny, he was happy. I was happy to see an old friend offer condolences at this sad time too.
I thought about this meeting today, and I wondered about why we lose touch with people who mean so much to us in life. Why do we get out of touch with good friends? As I thought about this, I came up with all kinds of reasons.
Busy lives
Probably, the number one reason we fall out of touch with those we love and care for is that we simply have busy lives. Work, family and other commitments typically fill our days leaving little time for friends who may not live near us, work with us or share the same family endeavors and pastimes. This was particularly true for me when my children were young and I was working full time, I rarely to never had time for my good friends for childhood or college. They were in similar situations. We were all really busy with family and work.
Distance
Distance definitely plays a role. If we live far apart, we will not have a good chance to see one another.
Rules of relationships
It is unlikely that we'll continue to be friends with those we had romantic relationships with even though we may continue to stay interested in who they are, what they do and how their lives have turned out. In some cases, friendship can follow romance, but for the most part, that doesn't happen for obvious reasons.
Differing political and philosophical views and decisions related to life
If those we were friends with in the past, demonstrate gravely different political or philosophical views and actions related to life, that may end our friendships. This has not been uncommon during the Trump era since many have had greatly opposing views that reach right into our hearts, minds and life choices. Should you let philosophy and politics get in the way of a good friendship? That's a good question and the answer to that will differ dependent on the friendship, circumstances and beliefs.
Mistakes and hurt
Sometimes friends mistakenly, intentionally and/or greedily hurt each other. It's difficult to forgive, forget and move a friendship forward. It is most often the right thing to do, but that doesn't mean we do it. Mistakes and hurt can distance a good friendship.
There's all kinds of reasons why we lose touch with those we care about in life. For the most part, I think it's better to revise the relationship than lose touch. For example, I could have seen my college friends once every six months for dinner--that would have been doable, but I was stymied as the relationships changed. Fortunately we've picked up where we left off which has been wonderful. We can also sit down and talk about past regressions and make new decisions about what we'll share and how we'll share that information--perhaps we'll steer clear of topics that cause divide. And for those distanced, we may decide to travel to visit an old friend. With revision we can stay in touch--it will be different, but it will also be positive. We need our friends and relatives, and staying close in ways that work brings strength and warmth to life.