I'm acting as a Monday morning quarterback as I think back about my Mom's care over the past six years and more. Did I do what I could? What would I do differently? Why am I thinking about this?
I told a friend yesterday, I am a better person after living through Mom's illness. I learned a lot about caregiving, collaboration, intimacy, and love. There were times of struggle, grace, and humor too as I worked with others to figure out what Mom needed throughout her lengthy end-of-life illness.
The good news is that I did what I could with the best that I had. Was it perfect? No, but it was good, and I'm satisfied with that. What I would change is my expectations. At times, I projected my own expectations, abilities, time and perceptions on others thinking they saw things the way I did, when in fact, we all experience life's events somewhat differently. In the future, in similar circumstances, I'll be more sensitive to the many varied ways people experience life's circumstances. I'll act with greater patience too--as Mom's illness wore on, I wondered about the lesson in all of this, and I surmised that the lesson was patience. Life often doesn't happen at the pace and rate we wish for, and that fact calls us to be patient.
How will I bring the lessons I learned from Mom and her illness forward. What will I do? First of all, I'll live simply. When a person dies, you recognize how unimportant so many objects are--happiness is far more associated with experiences and relationships than objects. I will also cherish the relationships I have even more--it is those relationships that give you strength and support at times of need. Many were there for my mom and our family, and to a large degree that's because my Mom was there for them in their times of need and their times of celebration.
The difficult chapters of life have much to teach us if we allow ourselves to be schooled. I learned a lot from Mom throughout her life including her last chapter--an arduous chapter, and now it's time to carry those lessons forward as I celebrate her life and continue my own life too. Onward.