After any life event, good or bad, there's the "picking up the pieces" stage--that stage when you clean up the house, collect all the paperwork, review what happened and respond accordingly.
I admit, the "picking up the pieces" stage is not my favorite stage in any endeavor, particularly events related to struggle, loss or troubles. Yet, this stage is mandatory because you can't move forward without it.
I remember the "picking up the pieces" stage after my son's wedding. The wedding was wonderful. It was a very happy event almost one year ago. Yet the day after meant we had to clean up the rental, collect all that we brought with us, and move on from what was a fairytale event in so many ways. The difficult part here was that a wonderful event we spent more than a year planning and looking forward to was over.
Today, I'll work with my dad to pick up the pieces from my mom's death and resulting wake and funeral. This is very different in so many ways from picking up the pieces related to a wonderful wedding, but similar in that it's a stage of moving on towards the next stage. The pieces today include the many cards and messages written by loved ones, beautiful flowers sent to my family, and repackaging the delicious foods people made to comfort us. Picking up the pieces also mean remaking the schedule for the days ahead. For the past few years, the schedule at my dad's house has mostly revolved around my mother's care, and now that schedule has a lot of holes to fill. It's time to think anew and remake the daily/weekly pattern.
What will change?
The schedule will include more getaways, hikes, gatherings and adventures. The past years have been mostly homebound years, and now there's a chance to explore the beautiful pathways and places near my childhood home. It's a good time to focus on healthy living too. Mom's care related to healthy living too, but a lot of the exercise Dad and I engaged in involved Mom's care and support. Now we can replace that with other kinds of healthy activity.
Picking up the pieces involves our mindsets too. Loss involves psychological efforts too--we have to find a peaceful place for all the emotions that go along with loss. We have to talk about it and make peace with it. That will be easier for me as a daughter than my dad as a spouse of 70 years. Fortunately Dad has a few peers and relatives who have endured this stage--those people will be very helpful as they can impart their experiences. For me, I'm finding peace in the fact that we did our best by mom--we did what we could to provide her with a best possible situation given the circumstances.
No matter what happens in life, there's the "picking up the pieces" stage. That stage varies depending on the gravity of the event passed, and that stage will linger too. I remember when one of my son's had a serious illness. Once he passed the deadly stage of the illness, there were a lot of pieces to pick up as he regained his strength and rethought his next steps. We gave his recovery the time it deserved, and we'll do the same with respect to my mom's passing. Onward.