After a long and arduous illness, Mom passed. I find myself looking back in a number of ways and this morning I'm looking forward too.
Mom's lengthy illness presented many challenges. I found myself questioning often throughout the journey as I tried to make the right decisions with regard to quality of life--quality of her life and quality of my life too. What did she need? How could we meet those needs? There were many moments when there was no clear answer. Some paths I traveled as a caregiver were dead ends and others were right on. The best part of the journey was making a commitment to do what I could with the knowledge that at the end of the road, I wanted to be satisfied that I did my best by mom. While my efforts were imperfect, I am satisfied that I did what I could, and that Mom received a lot of love and care in her final years of life.
Why did Mom live so long? Why did she evade death so many times? I think there are many right answers to these questions. First of all, for me, it was a lesson in patience--a lesson in slowing down, listening, observing, and being present rather than rushing ahead all the time. This was a great gift. For the entire family, it gave us time to reflect on her best qualities and traits. Mom had always been an accepting, positive, happy, generous person who loved living. There was nothing she loved more than being with family and having a good time. If we all take her best traits forward, we will definitely have good lives.
What now?
Now is the time to pool our strengths to create a wonderful celebration of Mom's life. Our family is coming together to plan the services. Relatives and friends far and near will gather to pay their respects to Mom and support one another. Perhaps Mom held on during those COVID years just so we could have such a wonderful celebration.
After that?
In the days ahead, I'll focus on my own family and my dad. Dad will be able to enjoy aspects of life he has not enjoyed for years since he devoted himself to mom's care. It will be a new world for him, and I'll be there to help him out with that as I can.
As for my own family, I hope to mimic my mom's devotion, love and positivity. They are embarking on countless new journeys with their friends and loved ones, and I want to support the best of whom they can be and the best of what our family can be together.
Onward