Over time, I've reached out to friends lost. Some responded and some did not. Why don't people respond?
I'm the kind of person that likes to reach conclusion with regard to relationships. Once when I experienced a break-up that really hurt, I eventually reached out to the person I was dating. The letter and eventual response created a sweet ending to a good relationship that wasn't meant to be. I was so happy that I wrote that letter, and I was so happy that my former boyfriend responded in like. Our words acknowledged our feelings as well as the situation with honesty, care, and respect.
With another relationship break-up, there was a beautiful final moment at an art museum. We exchanged honest words of love and respect as we parted ways. It was the right decision for many reasons and the ending included a beautiful, sweet response to one another.
When people don't respond, situations remain open often in painful, hurtful ways. Why does that happen?
I don't think I've ever not responded to a note or call. I may have delayed responses as I thought about the situation, but eventually I responded. So when people don't respond, it's difficult for me to understand that.
One reason why I think this happens goes way back to my Dad's "last word club" remarks. As a child, he used to say to me, "You always have to have the last word" meaning that I could beat an argument to death if people let me. I don't let go, so I expect that some who don't respond, simply don't want to engage in what appears to be a dead-end argument or situation over and over again. They've had enough. I realize that happens. I do like to delve into issues until I reach resolve even if that takes lots of time and detail, and many simply don't want to do that. I can accept that.
Another reason people may not respond is that they don't know what to say so they don't say anything at all, and there are those who may feel my reaching out is not motivated by the best rationale. I questioned a recent note I wrote to an old friend. I asked myself if my motives were rightly directed before sending the note. I eventually sent the note because it truly reflected who I am, my truth, and my honest respect for the individual. That individual may have seen the situation differently than me. That happens.
I'm very comfortable with the fact that our lives are filled with right turns and wrong turns. We all err from time to time and our errors are often the result of our limited knowledge, range of experiences, and deep convictions and dreams. Our mistakes teach us a lot, and when we're willing to make amends and move forward, we are better for it.
Recently as I reconnected with an individual who I felt I was less respectful and kind to over time, I was so honored when she accepted me back into her life with respect and care. This individual didn't hold my past acts or attitude against me, but instead focused on the good we shared so long ago. Why did she and I reach such an impasse? When I look back, I believe the impasse had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't know myself well, and I wasn't quite sure how to navigate the situation we shared. I was moving forward with attitudes, behaviors, and dreams I had inherited rather than attitudes, behaviors, and dreams I had thought a lot about. Now so many years later, I've retired a lot of those old attitudes, behaviors, and dreams, and replaced them with more loving and knowing ways--ways that are far more inclusive, open-minded, and loving. I'm happy for this change, and I'm even happier that my old friend was willing to acknowledge and accept these positive changes.
People change, and I believe we do best to embrace those changes in loving, kind ways. This doesn't mean we'll be best friends or close acquaintances, but instead this means we've closed a circle that was open and perhaps started a new and better friendship going forward. Onward.