During the holidays my mind fills up with memories of friends past and present. I miss friends lost to natural, circumstantial, and troubling situations. I want to hold onto my friends even if it's impossible to see each other often. Last year, I thought about all my friends and reached out to friends lost in disconcerting ways. Some of those old friends reached back with loving notes and memories, and others did not reach back which was a sign that the friendship met its end. That made me sad, but I realized that some friendships do change and end over time. As for the friends that reached back with warmth and forgiveness, that brought me great joy. I was happy that they could see our impasse as the circumstantial event that rose from multiple, differing life experiences.
I can happily say that there have been no friendships lost this year. I've learned a lot about friendship over time, and that learning has made me a better, more consistent, honest, and loving friend. That's good growth.
This year my husband and I will reach out to friends in many ways. For some friends, we'll continue a tradition of gift exchanges. For others, we'll exchange cards. There are some we'll see over the holidays and others we'll catch up with after the typically crazy holiday schedule. Sadly, there are some who are lost forever due to death, and I'll likely pray for them and their families while remembering our good times together.
I've learned a lot about friendship over my life including the following lessons:
- friendships demand nurturing - friendships don't just happen
- friendships must include acceptance, honesty, respect, understanding
- friendships will ebb and flow due to life's circumstances--give friendships the time and space they need
- It's okay to take a vacation from a friend when times are tough--that's much better than using harsh words or acts that forever impact a friendship
- make a regular schedule of getting together with your friend--that might be once a year or once a week, but find a good routine that works for both of you
- cherish your friend's wonderful gifts and be tolerant of your friend's challenges when it comes to your relationship--no one is perfect, we all have our strengths and challenges
- Be forgiving of friends, we all make mistakes from time to time