When I was a young mom and teacher, I'd ask my children and students, "What do you want, need, and desire." I found this to be a powerful question since my children and students' answers always pointed to what I could do to help them in positive ways. When I asked the question, I was always surprised to find that the children's and student's needs, wants, and desires were few and typically easy to solve.
With adult children, relatives, and friends, that question is not as straightforward since adults are often less forthcoming when it comes to what they need, want, and desire. There's a bit more guessing that occurs when it comes to identifying what the adults in your life want, need, and desire. This wondering makes you wonder what people want from you or better, what you can do for those you care about.
What do people want from you is an essential question to consider as you consider your relationships at home, work, or in the greater family or community. Recently I talked to a friend about this. Her acquaintance was seemingly unsatisfied with her, and she didn't exactly know why. As I thought about her quandary, I realized that my friend didn't really understand her acquaintance's expectations or needs well, and there was a good chance that my friend's acquaintance didn't really know what she wanted or needed either. Recently I met a similar quandary as I helped a loved one whose met with a major life change--I finally simply asked him, What can I do for you? That simple question relaxed my loved one and opened the avenue of conversation with regard to what I could do for him.
Observation leads us to understand what people want and need from us too. We can see the grimace on our adult children's faces if we propose an idea that doesn't fit their interests or needs, and we might experience an unanswered phone call or invitation from others as a sign that we're going down the wrong path when it comes to what we think our loved ones need or want.
I like to be there for the people I love and live with or near. I like to be able to help out when I can, but I don't want to project what people need or misjudge how I can help. Instead I want my support to be inclusive, responsive, and just right. So as I move into a relatively new stage of life, I'm thinking about what the people in my life need and want from me as well as I what I hope for from them. This is a good question to consider now and then. Onward.