I grew up with a life pattern in mind. That pattern included babyhood at home, early childhood at home and/or preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school, college, work, marriage, and family. That was a common pattern for many in my family and community. One part of this pattern that existed but was quite invisible was that chapter that includes the care of our oldest family members. Looking back, however, that part of the pattern existed everywhere in my midst including my own home. My grandparents and elderly aunts lived nearby, and my mom and dad cared a lot for them, but as a young person, I was mostly distanced from those activities, yet now as an elder myself, I find myself spending a lot of time thinking about and caring for our eldest family members similar to what my mother and father did in years past.
This chapter makes me wonder if I should have been included more in this care during my younger days, and if this chapter is changing in American society due to the fact that people are generally living longer and are often more distant from one another than in decades past.
What is the best way to care for our oldest family members? What serves them best in society?
I believe the answer to this question differs greatly from family to family and person to person, yet as a society, I think we can consider this situation with thoughtfulness.
I find myself fantasizing about farm culture where families of many generations lived amongst each other and took care of one another in consistent, caring ways. In a family compound where many family members are working in and around the home, there is more ready care for members of the family that need that care. Too often, in modern society, family members are separated from each other in ways that don't support the care of the family's most vulnerable members such as babies, the elderly, and anyone with extensive cognitive or physical needs. This can result in loneliness and less good care, or lots of institutionalized care.
How can we remake norms in the American society to ensure that everyone has the best possible life no matter whether they need care or not--what can we do about that? Re-looking at housing, community design, and public services is one way to reconsider this situation. As we build new homes, should we be thinking about the needs of extended families rather than the nuclear family alone? Should we also think about building housing communities that include care for babies, the elderly, and the vulnerable within the community design? Would that result in happier, healthier families and lives in general?
Also as we think about work/life routines and norms, should we build in more time to care for one another. To well-care for people takes time and attention, the kind of time and attention many working people don't have--how can we recalibrate our norms to make that happen?
I do believe it's time for society to rethink the norms related to how we live. Norms such as the hours in a work week, at-home vs virtual work environments, school schedules, and community design are vital areas of consideration as we think about modernizing lives in ways that help us to live better and care for one another with greater success. We can do this.