A friend asked, What lures young people to violence? I was surprised that he asked that question because I can clearly see many reasons why young people are drawn to violence.
Loneliness, isolation
When young people are lonely and isolated, they will seek companionship wherever they can find it, and often they will seek that camaraderie via the Internet. On the Internet many groups exist that want to lure young people to violent, unhealthy, and problematic activity and connections.
One way to save young people from this threat is to identify loneliness and isolation early, and then work to help young people find groups that promote positive camaraderie and connection. Checking in with young people regularly about what they are feeling, what they desire, and what they are doing is a simple way to begin the process of helping lonely, isolated youth find positive places in life.
Know thyself
It's important to help children find out who they are, what they love, and what they want to do. Too often, adults promote what they wish for children rather than what is just right for those children. For example if a parent is a big sports fan and has a child who loves the arts much more, that parent might promote sports rather than seeing, acknowledging, and promoting a child's true interests and passions. It's important that we help children to know who they are, what they love, and who they want to be in life. If we can't nurture our children's true identities, it's important that we find people that can support our children in positive ways.
Morality tales
It's important to talk about the many ways life plays out with children. It's important for children to know life's success stories as well as life's unsuccessful stories. I remember a physician telling me that his mom read him lots of biographies of famous people when he was a child--that gave that man lots of ideas about how to live a good life. Those biographies, in some ways, were mentors to this successful doctor. Similarly, we have to share the stories of lives disrupted, cut short, and problematic. My mom often read stories like that to us from the newspaper when we were young. I remember clearly the story of a group of young men that killed another young man--there was one demented kid in the group that committed the murder, but all the followers of that demented kid had to pay the price for that murder with long jail sentences that cut their youth short. Similarly, it's important to acknowledge both the positive and negative trends in your family history. That helps children to be aware of the dangers and potential that exist related to their family DNA and connections. For example, in my family, we have many artists, musicians, outdoor enthusiasts, and moms and dads. We also have some trends to be cautious about, trends that can be avoided with healthy living and positive connections.
Hone your gifts
We have to give all youth the opportunity to develop their gifts and talents. Becoming an expert at anything positive provides a good path in life, a path that connects you to like-minded people and positive endeavor.
The company you keep
If young people are hanging around with troubling peers, it's likely that they'll be lured to trouble. While it's important to let children choose their own friends, it's also important to steer young people away from individuals that are making poor and dangerous choices.
Recreational events and toys
It's important to consider the events and toys your children engage with. Too much errant use of violent toys and games will influence your children. It's important to keep an eye on this. What you do is what you become and what you see and engage with can greatly influence you. That said, when a child is too sheltered from the world that exists, that can be harmful too. There's a good balance to be had here and that balance will differ from family to family dependent on multiple factors.
Health
Everyone is born with a different profile that includes strengths and challenges. Understanding how to be as healthy as possible both physically and mentally is important to good living. It's important to understand a child's health deeply from a young age and it's important to get children the best possible supports for healthy living from an early age. Too many people fail to seek out the best possible help because the issues they are facing are difficult and complex to acknowledge and understand. That's why we see people jump to quick fix solutions that are often more harmful than helpful. Instead it's important to do the research and find the best possible supports and solutions for any health situation your child faces. Poor health makes children vulnerable and quick fix solutions often block children from the deep, transformative supports that truly better life.
Understanding sexual energy and identity
It's important to acknowledge your children's sexual energy and identity. When that is ignored, that energy and identity can be a source of struggle for some youth. In American culture, I believe we under-educate our youth in this regard. One of my children had the opportunity to learn about this via the UU organization, and that education was invaluable.
Advocacy
If your child is not getting what he or she needs in any setting, it's important to initiate a polite conversation about that with those in charge. Often due to high numbers and too-busy schedules in childcare organizations, leaders may miss troubling events or neglect, and that's why it's important for people to advocate for children's best interests and supports everywhere in the community. Neglecting the services and efforts that best support a child leaves a child open to harmful influences.
Love
Love your children well via action and words. Continue to develop and revise the way you love your children because children develop over time. Keep the dialogue about good living alive and well with your children as that will inform you about they want, need, and desire, and that will also help you to support your children well.
Seek parenting support
Parenting is hard work. In a society where people are often overworked and under-supported, parents often suffer from isolation themselves. It's important to seek parenting support when needed. A good place to start might be your child's physician, local public health organizations, and social service agencies.
When children are lost, isolated, hurting, and unsupported, they are ripe targets for abusive, problematic, and dangerous individuals and groups. Supporting young people with the best possible supports from an early age can steer children away from such abusive, disruptive, and deadly individuals and groups. We can do this.