I thought about who my loved ones want me to be and how much that matters to me. For a large part, as a young person, many of my loved ones had desires for me that didn't match who I was or what I loved. There was a fair amount of anguish related to that mismatch. I remember many comments made that didn't support parts of who I was or what I did that meant a lot to me. There were also areas of my life that were better supported.
At this point in my life, however, who my loved ones want me to be is a good match for who I want to be too. They want the best for me in many ways and I want that too. There remain a few areas of life where I get less support, but I'm confidently traveling those paths while heeding the lack of support carefully since there is always some truth in the critique people provide.
I do think it's important to consider who you want to be and who others want you to be too--both considerations have value.
Who you want to be
Who you want to be says a lot about you, and usually when we have strong personal desires, there's value in those desires. Throughout my life when I invested in my personal dreams, I was not disappointed. There were twists and turns along the road, and those curves did help me to revise and direct my dreamwork more, but in the end, I have not regretted reaching for my dreams, dreams born in me from my earliest days.
Who others want you to be
As a young person, when family members often promoted dreams for me that didn't match who I was or who I wanted to be, I didn't take the time to think seriously about the impact of such action. Siblings, more courageous than I, took their personal dreams and directions more seriously--they often made changes to follow their dreams for themselves rather than the dreams others had for them. In time, I followed my siblings' examples and sought to fulfill my dreams.
It's important to consider what others want you to be with the following questions:
- How does their experience of life and personal history play into their dreams for you?
- Do the people who have strong dreams for you and influence over your life really know who you are and accept who you are? Sometimes people who have big expectations for you don't take the time to know you well.
- What truths about good living are embedded in others' dreams for you. While some dreams that people had for me were not a good fit, others were because there was often a practical aspect to those dreams. Once in life I got very good and very difficult advice related to that--I took the practical advice and that has significantly improved my life for years.