Why does a mother kill her children? My heart aches whenever I see a story that describes a mother who kills her children. It's difficult to be a mom in American society--I don't believe we have the elements in place to well support moms and dads in the United States. In fact, I believe that the United States can do a lot more to support young families and children altogether.
As a young mom, I met with moments of utter frustration. Most of my frustration arose from disappointment in myself--why couldn't I do it all, I wondered. Looking back, however, I realize that my expectations for self were too great and my level of support too little. No wonder I was frustrated! Fortunately I had a good support network that I was able to reach out to. My husband, mom, sister, colleagues, and others were there to commiserate with me and offer help.
In reading about a recent situation when a mom killed her children and thinking about past similar situations in the news, I thought about how we might prevent this in society.
Get help when you need it
In American society, there is still stigma related to getting help when you need it. This is particularly true when signs of psychological or mental health issues arise. We have to rid society of those stigmas, and instead, encourage one another to get the help we need. We also have to make that help more affordable and accessible. What holds people back from getting this help also includes the cost and availability of such help. We have to change that.
Realistic expectations for moms and dads
Society has to have realistic expectations for moms and dads. We can't expect moms and dads to work around the clock serving others, but instead we have to foster good home-work routines that give moms and dads the time they need to take care of themselves, their families, and their work in realistic ways.
Working against perfection
Society in many ways has promoted perfection rather than good. When moms and others seek to be perfect, they can lose sight of what's most important. In some ways, I believe our high-tech, social-media age promotes perfection rather than good--no one's life is perfect, and the quest for perfection is a dead-end search. You don't have to have the perfect family, home, job, love life, body. . . . .Instead work for the good possible.
Environment and community matter
Where you live as a young family matters. Little children don't need beautiful homes, but what they need is loving, safe homes where they have space to play and move. Choosing a community where you're isolated, your commute is too long, there's a lack of safety or your bills are too great will not lead to happy living. Instead, choose a home where you have the support and friendship of family and/or neighbors, easy commutes, ready recreation, good access to food, education, and health care, and affordability--this will lead to happier, more realistic home lives. As a society, we can look for ways to build more family-friendly communities--communities where young families have what they need to support the best possible living for their family members.
Stay in touch, know one another
It's important to stay in close contact with your loved ones. Be there for each other, and if you see signs of struggle, speak up and encourage your loved ones to get help.
Learn about childcare before you have children
Many young people today have not had extensive experience with child raising. As the eldest of six children and a teacher, I came to parenting with extensive childcare experience, and even with that, I met moments of utter frustration and confusion. If you've never had any experience with childcare, however, I can imagine how difficult it might be to raise children. So I recommend that people make some time to get some childcare knowledge and experience before becoming parents. The more you know, the better you'll do.
In society, horrible things will happen. When a mother kills her own children, that's horrible. These kinds of horrible events wake us up and alert us to what we can do to better society so that horrible events like this don't happen.
In these cases I have great empathy for the mothers and great sadness for the children and their loved ones. No child deserves to be killed or underserved in any way--as a society, we too often neglect our children in countless ways. We have to change this poor performance and do better by families and children. We can do this.