One of the greatest challenges of aging is the change in control you have. When in truth, we never have full control over our lives, at some stages we seem to have more evident control than at other times.
Youth
During my early youth, my parents had most control over my life. They created a home, set a schedule, signed us up for events, and coordinated our activities and needs well. Later, during the teen years, for the most part, there was a gradual release of responsibility as my parents had less and less control over my life and I had more and more control as I became more independent.
Work and Family
As a mom and employee, while I didn't have total control over my environment, I did have a lot of control over my family's life and the work I did. I was busy working on my own and with others to manage the situations of family and work as best I could. During those years I was very, very busy yet seemed to have the control I needed.
Later Life
With my children on their own and past my career as a teacher, the issue of control is one I am thinking about. I have little control over what my children do, yet I'm available to help when they need me. Unlike my childhood, my siblings and I are living different lives--we're all independent with little need or desire with regard to control over what each other does. And, my aging dad has chosen his lifestyle, and while I can help him when needed, I don't have control over what he chooses. So at this stage of life, my greatest area of control exists in my personal choices with regard to the activities I engage in and the attitude I bring to life.
I watch my Dad who is in his ninth decade greet life with a magnificently positive attitude. He has no control over the people around him, but he does have control over his attitude and he chooses to greet life with great positivity, an open mind, and a willingness to be flexible and loving. He's a good model for growing older. I also have noticed how so many friends have embraced the avenues that later life presents with creativity, generosity, and care. One cousin whose daughter chose to life far away makes the time to visit regularly and when not there to engage regularly with her daughter's family via social media. People I know, for the most part, see the twists and turns of life as opportunities to live their best lives with those they love--they've chosen great attitudes.
The older you get, the more you realize how little control you have over life's greatest moments, yet you also realize that you do have some control with regard to leaning in a direction of positivity, warmth, kindness, care, love, and contribution. Like many today, I find the self-serving, lawless, greedy politicians that have infiltrated our government abhorrent. They use their power, voice, and might to greedily make decisions that harm and hurt lives. I hate this and often feel powerless with regard to their grave propaganda and lack of conscience or care. Yet, I can make a choice to speak up and support those that work against these errant forces.
We are never without choice or control in life, but the kind of control we do have changes. At one time, we had a lot of control over our children's choices and lives, but in later life, they live their own lives, and it's up to us to be open minded to the lives they choose. As the lives of our friends, siblings, and parents change, our impact over their lives changes dramatically. We can be there for them, but we have little control over them.
Some of us seek control as a way to provide security in uncertain times or amongst the changing events of life, but we have to take time to consider the kind of control we have at each stage of life and how we will use that to better our lives while also supporting and contributing to the lives we love and contributions we make. Onward.