Last night an old friend rallied our college crowd to support a friend who is experiencing a family medical challenge. We met at a restaurant near our college. The conversation was warm, supportive, lively, and honest. We had a wonderful time and were able to cheer our friend up for a short time amidst her unexpected family challenge.
In some cases, it had been decades since I spent time with some of those college friends. In a sense, it was a situation of friends found after a long and busy time away from one another. As I've written about before, the years of career growth and raising our children were very, very busy years that found friends in multiple scenarios in differing communities.
Over time the numbers of children, finances, relationships, challenges, and career paths differed considerably. Everyone has had their challenges and their successes. For the most part, our collective priorities stayed similar including family, commitment to our chosen professions, and good times.
What's the difference between friends found and friends lost?
I still struggle with the experience of friends lost--friends who were once close, but are no longer in my circles. Why has this happened? In most cases, it was not a situation of a single event, but too-great distance, time, or commitments preventing us from connecting again. I've given some of these lost friendships a chance to find a new way to connect, but due to time, distance, or commitments that simply has not been possible--people are headed in different directions. That happens.
In general, I think it's best to treat friendships with care, honesty, and ease. Friends will travel in varied directions due to life circumstances, and those varied directions will make it easier or more difficult to stay connected. Life events such as children's challenges, relationship changes, where you live, professional commitments, our passions and interests will bring us closer or push us away from one another. If the events bring us closer, cherish that and nurture that. If the events push you away from one another respect that and try to find a new place for the relationship even if that new place is a phone call once in a while or a letter exchange.
Friendship is an important ingredient to the good life--an ingredient we need to take seriously throughout life as it's an ingredient that brings life a valuable richness and strength. Onward.