It seems like for most stages in life, we're somewhat prepared. Before we enter school, we know about school and prepare for it. The same is true for every stage of school, careers, and parenting. But are we prepared for the later stages in life?
Last night at dinner with friends, I said, "Why didn't anyone prepare us for this stage of life?" One friend commented that we're not prepared, in part, because people didn't live as long when we were young. Our grandparents, in general, died a decade or more than the ages our parents are now living. That means our parents didn't spend a lot of time caring for their parents when they were our age. In many ways, this is a relatively new stage of life--one our parents didn't prepare us for because many of them didn't experience this.
Also, for many of my friends, the fact that their children are living in multiple locations is different than what our parents experienced. Our parents, for the most part, had children who lived relatively close to them whereas now as parents of adult children, many of our children are living further away from us.
Traditions and affiliations have changed too. We talked a lot about religion too and the way some religion's resistance to change and inclusion has meant we no longer belong to those religions, religions that don't affirm the ways our children live or the identities they've chosen.
I guess that one expectation of later stages in life is the expectation that you'll have to update your mindset, habits, and expectations since life will change a lot from your early days until your later days. Updating your mindset and habits will allow you to live a better life at the later stage.
Another important expectation of later stages in life is the expectation of a values-centered life--as I sat with a table full of friends, I was struck at how their values had resulted in lives well lived and strong relationships. These women put their families and friendships first--they made the sacrifices needed to love their family, friends, and communities in ways that translated into good support, contribution, and care.
And of course, there's an expectation of needed time to care for adult children, grandchildren, and your parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins too. At the later stage of life, you will have the opportunity to play an important role in the lives of your loved ones, and what that looks like will depend on the circumstances that occur, circumstances that will differ from person to person and family to family.
As we, in many ways, pioneer a new later stage in life, one different than our parents, we are teaching our children about this stage of life--what we do will, in effect, impact what they do. Yet as the world changes so will the later stage of life. Perhaps that's another expectation of the later stage of life--it's a stage of life filled with the unexpected--a stage where mystery trumps predictability. Do you agree?