I've never thought a lot about the emotion or expression of contempt. What is contempt? Where does it arise from? How do you deal with it?
One article I read described contempt in this way:
I generally hold the belief that we all meet life with the best of whom we are and what we've experienced. If people act in ways that I think are wrong or problematic, I generally try to understand why they act that way and meet those actions with a sense of curiosity and a will to understand why that's happening. I believe that none of us have all the answers, and when there's conflict it usually means that we all have something to share and something to learn. It's rare for me to feel contempt, and when I do, it's typically the result of a lot of hurtful mistreatment over a long period of time.
The person I feel the most contempt for in life is an individual who mistreated me greatly in the workplace with a lack of honesty as well as a series of manipulative, hurtful actions. Rather than work with me with honesty, a sense of team, and a spirit of helping one another, this person continually worked against my best interests and the good work we could do together. I trusted this individual too quickly and didn't readily realize the ways he was manipulating the environment in countless hurtful, harmful ways. While the individual had his share of redeeming qualities, his hurtful qualities were great and damaging. While I do feel contempt for this individual, he's long gone from my life, and I hope he has changed his ways for the better.
I don't like the way it feels when people have contempt for me. No one likes this. One person who over time has had contempt for me has shown it in many ways. This is a person with many strengths, yet there's something about me that brings out the worst in this person. I think it's my refusal to treat her like a star or superior person. I recognize the individual's wonderful strengths which are awesome, but I don't believe in dismissing my strengths and life path simply because another is wealthier, more popular, or more successful in any way. I want everyone to experience success, and I believe we all have value in the arenas we live and work in. I've tried to connect with this individual in many ways with little success. Clearly, the relationship is not meant to be.
If I feel contempt from another, especially someone who is or has been close to me, I will try to understand and dismantle that contempt. For example, recently a close friend treated me with contempt. I wracked my brain trying to figure out where that was coming from. I read lots of articles about it and spoke to trusted friends about it. Where was that contempt coming from, and what can I do to change that since I didn't want to lose this friend, but I also couldn't stand the angry, hateful contempt relayed via actions, words, and inaction?
In the past, I have felt a similar kind of contempt from a similar kind of person. My desire to deeply understand life's questions and events repels these people. Also, my systematic planning is contrary to their more spontaneous ways of living. These people who are all men are not interested in talking about the details or sharing their honest opinion--they're more hidden than transparent. They don't want people looking into who they are and what they choose. To them, I believe, I'm too intrusive, opinionated, pushy--they'd rather I stroke their egos, not question, and be quiet.
There's lessons to learn. Coming on too strong can be a turn-off for some. Also looking into all the details is too much for many. As one person said to me a long time ago, people don't want to consider deep issues all the time. Instead, they want to relax and have fun. I get that. There's a time for depth and a time for lightness too.
I'll continue to try to understand this kind of contempt I feel from this kind of person, and I'll keep some distance from these people as well since I don't want to be their whipping post, the person they demean continuously with words and actions. Fortunately I have a lot of loving people in my life so I don't need to rely on these people, but in many ways I respect and love these people so I don't want to give up. I can draw lines from past experiences to current behaviors in this regard, and I'm empathetic about that. All of us carry some weight related to life experiences that were challenging or difficult.
Contempt is not a positive emotion as it can eat at us and others serving to harm and hurt relationships. I prefer understanding and respect rather than contempt. As for that one person who I feel contempt for--I wish him well, and have seen some evidence of positive change in his life. This is good.
The best we can do in the face of contempt is to protect ourselves from any hateful, demeaning, hurtful behaviors from others. We can also have a sense of empathy for those who are contemptible as contempt comes from somewhere that likely is not positive or well-informed. And we can identify our actions that may have created the contempt, what we've done that led to unhappy, negative connections, and make appropriate change if that's positive.
It's important to consider the emotions we feel and experience. I'll continue to think about the role of contempt and how to dilute that role in my life as much as possible. Onward.