We can think of life's events as events that land somewhere on a continuum from win to loss. Those events that land near the win side typically bring us happiness while those events that land near the loss end bring us angst and/or sadness. How do we deal with the wins and losses of life?
The wins
Life's wins are often deeply rooted. Some of what I consider my life wins don't belong to me alone, but are the result of the good work of many over generations. In some ways, my life wins were handed to me via lots of love, good training, and apt opportunities. For this I am both happy and humbled.
The losses
Life's losses can be the result of bad choices, misunderstanding, or lack of knowledge/skill.
What is a loss? What is a win?
We all define wins and losses in life differently. A win for one person may be a loss for another. Wins and losses depend on mindset, context, connections, and more.
For me, life wins include wins like these:
- good relationships
- professional success
- apt contribution and care
- successful collaboration and teamwork
- loving, kind, compassionate ways of being
- positive development and growth
- natural beauty
- a sense of humor
- acceptance, understanding
I consider these events and ways being to land toward the loss end of life:
- poor relationships
- too much judgement and lack of acceptance
- focus on material wealth alone
- prejudice, bigotry
- insensitivity
- sloth, corruption, dishonesty
- ignorance, lack of development
- closed mindedness
- lack of love, care, empathy, compassion, care
When do we win? When do we lose?
We win when our values, beliefs, commitments are in line with our life work and events. When we're living a life true to ourselves with others who support that, we experience wins. Losses often occur when we are in the midst of situations that don't represent who we are or what we believe in. We may find ourselves losing when we lack the skill, knowledge, understanding, camaraderie, or support that alines with who we are, what we need, and what we honor and believe in. For example, those that may work or live amongst people who don't share their values, may experience losses more often than those who work and live amongst people who do share their values.
How do we deal with wins and losses?
For both wins and losses, it's good to think deeply about why the situation was a winning or losing situation. For example, once long ago I won an award. It was a win, but as I considered the win deeply, I realized that I won more for who and what I represeted than what I actually did. It was nice to win the award, but I was humble about it because I knew it was an award that anyone who shared my profile might have won at the time. On another time, I lost out on an honor when I thought I should have won. I did super work in that arena, but I didn't have the profile for the win--I believe I was too young and inexperienced at the time to be rewarded with a win. Some wins and losses are more superficial and others have greater depth and meaning.
As an educator, one of the greatest wins for me was receiving a thank you letter from a student that truly acknowledged my best work and commitment--when that happened I knew I won because what I believed in and did helped a child succeed in that child's eyes--that was a deep and meaningful win for me. The most hurtful losses for me were losses based on ignorance, misunderstanding, and lack of collaboration. If I misstepped because I didn't fully understand the situation and lacked the good guidance or support to help me understand, I experienced that as a deep and painful loss. Even though it wasn't my intention to misstep, the misstep occurred creating havoc, and I didn't like being responsible for that kind of loss, a loss for myself and others.
Positioning yourself for the wins of life
As much as possible it's good to position yourself to win in life rather than lose. There are ways to do that including surrounding yourself with the kind of people who share your values and beliefs. You can also reflect often about your life and work on areas that are weaker with greater development, mentorship, learning, and understanding. Knowing your values well, and recognizing the values that help you to achieve the kinds of life events and actions that you consider wins also helps you to achieve more wins in life. Staying away from losing behaviors, connections, events, and actions can also help you to have a more winning life. Yet, sometimes you'll position yourself in tough, challenging situations as a way to learn more and win.
We can't know everything about life
Life continually challenges us. There will be easy, winning chapters in life and there will be challenging chapters of life. More than specific wins and losses, it's the way we approach life that edges us closer to wins than losses. Yet, no matter how well we live, we will experience losses--losses that create opportunities to learn more, do better, or help others later on.
Life is full of wins and losses. It's important to recognize both directions in our lives. We need to learn from both wins and losses, and that learning will help us to help others and live good lives. We can do this.