This has been a summer of discontent for so many reasons. First of all, the weather has been crazy. There's been a lot of cloudy, hazy, rainy days and less sunshine. Next, everyone in my life seems to be moving in all kinds of new directions. I'm not sure if this is just a matter of the stage people are at or the result of official end of the COVID pandemic and limitations, but in general, it is a summer where people are experiencing all kinds of personal changes--changes in jobs, relationships, interests, and more. All these changes are challenging many of my long held lifeways, goals, and connections. What am I to do amongst all this discontent?
Own your role
In many ways, I've created this discontent. I bring up issues via this blog and in real time that people don't want to discuss or consider. I understand that, and I am considering that situation with depth. Is it right to be the "Harriet the Spy" who journals about real time events in the public sphere. Most would say no. So why hold on to this practice? I hold on to the practice because I am passionate about thinking about life in writing. I love to ponder the many events and situations that occur and think about the impact of those situations.
I've made a few rules for myself in this regard. First, I never write about one situation, person, or event unless it is a positive tribute--each blog post is a generalization of a number of situations. Also, I don't point blame in any one direction, but see situations as a complex sum of multiple people, perspectives, and events. Rarely, if ever, does a situation occur because of any one factor, and alsmost always situations arise due to multiple factors. For example, recently, I've been recognizing the role of distance when it comes to situations--for a long time, I didn't take seriously the role of distance, but of late, I've recognized how critical the role of distance is when it comes to most situations. I've also been understanding more about the role of serendipity when it comes to life's events. Just think about the serendipity of your birth placement amongst your siblings or the person you met and married and the longivity of the people who played significant roles in your life over time. These factors impact our lives greatly, and for the most part, they are serendipitous factors that we have little control over.
Change
Change happens at different rates in life. Honestly, it seems like my life rolled along for years without that much significant change, and then in the past few years, change has been dramatic in so many ways. The world I knew and the relationships I enjoyed changed dramatically for all kinds of reasons including the pandemic, health issues, job changes, aging, and more. When change occurs at a fast rate, life becomes somewhat erratic and you definitely make more mistakes since the terrain you are navigating is unfamiliar.
I reached out to my sons and husband this week to acknowledge this level of change and to discuss my desire that we continue to build a strong culture amongst our family members in light of the multiple changes in jobs, relationships, locations, and more. They reached back with support--they too want our family to remain strong as a team, and they too want us to be a team that respects our individual interests, pursuits, and personalities too. I wanted to write that note before the changes created any problems as a way to coordinate our movement ahead in time amongst all the changes that are occurring.
Traditions?
I grew up with many, many wonderful traditions. These traditions helped to connect us as family and friends. Lately, amongst the many changes, those traditions have been challenged. What worked in the past doesn't work as well now due to distance, connections, aging, and more. That leaves me with the question about what traditions we want to continue, what traditions we'll retire, and what new traditions we'll forge.
A few years ago when my sister and I realized we weren't making much real time for each other even though we talk almost daily by phone, we started "Sister Weekend" where we get together each December with our husbands for a weekend in Boston. I look forward to that even every year. That was a new and positive tradition. We've tried to keep many of the old traditions alive via family gatherings at the holidays though it's been more difficult since my parents are unable to lead the gatherings--my parents' generation, in hindsight, were amazing at organizing and promoting big, inclusive, enjoyable holiday events. I have so many wonderful memories of those events as a child. Because of those memories, I want to foster the same kind of happy events for my intimate and extended family. Yet the greater distance between family members today, growing/changing families, and competing schedules make that challenging at times leaving me to think about what traditions work well today and which traditions don't work as well.
The same is true with friends. There was a time before I had children when I saw my friends all the time--we traveled together and met up frequently. Then when life became very busy with full time work, raising children, and multiple extended family responsibilities, there was less time for friends. Looking back, I wish I had deliberately worked with friends to discuss this and carve out time for new traditions, but life was so busy at that time, I didn't even think to do that. Many years seemed to zip by, years mostly focused on work and family. Now as I think of my friends past and present, I'm thinking about the traditions and meet-ups that work. During COVID I hiked a lot with friends--I LOVED that, but since the end of COVID limitations, it's been a lot more difficult to find time for those wonderful hikes and outdoor adventures. My friends, like me, are pulled in many directions with children, aging parents, grandchildren, jobs, volunteering, and more--it's a time of change for many of them too and it's often difficult to find time to get together. The fact that many of us have young adult chldren in the midst of change and elderly parents needing care makes getting together difficult since our schedules seem to change by the minute with many unexpected needs and changes.
A Fresh Start
Simply acknowledging this time of change and discontent leads me to desire a fresh start. As part of this fresh start, I have to acknowledge that it's a time in life when it is very difficult to make plans given all the changes and needs occurring within the spheres of people I love and care about. For the most part, I can't plan ahead now since there are too many unknowns and too often, my plans change at the last minute given my responsiblities at the moment.
I can, however, create a welcoming space at home for people to visit if they desire, and I can spontaneously meet up for a good time, adventure, lunch, or conversation. Spontaneity seems to trump planning at this point in my life.
Smooth Sailing
Despite the discontent of the past months, I'm committed to smooth sailing ahead with an open heart, acknowledgement of my imperfections, and a desire to be there for people in positive ways should they need or want me. I want the best possible world for everyone, and I realize that the best possible world for each of us is a combination of same and different realities. The sameness includes a spirit of love, care, camaraderie, and happiness, and the differences include the great variety of ways we are called to live and be in life--our vast differences in talents, interests, questions, and directions. Onward.