Sometimes we may stay stuck in past perceptions and expectations. We don't update those perceptions and expectations with the changes that occur.
For example, recently I realized that my expectations for a friend were far outdated. I was still expecting the friend to be the person she was twenty years ago. I didn't account for all the changes that had occurred. Similarly another friend had to remind me to update my perceptions and expectations for him as he essentially said, "You still treat me like a child."
Why don't we update expectations and perceptions? Why do we sometimes stay mired in the past?
I think this may happen, in part, because we don't observe, listen, or think about our relationships enough. We may simply take those relationships for granted expecting them to be unchanging over time. This omission is easily cured by simply listening more, observing more, thinking more, and sensitively responding more to the people in our lives.
A few years ago, a family member was treating me with disrespect. I spoke up, and the family member changed his ways. He hadn't realized that he didn't update his perceptions and expectations for me. Since that time, our relationship has grown much stronger.
So as I think of updating my perseptions and expectations for friends, I want to do the following specific actions.
Think about that friendship or relationship in real time
What role does that individual play in my life today? How much information do they share or not share? How often do they reach out? Do they reciprocate? Are they kind and respectful? Am I kind and respectful to them? Am I consistent, kind friend or relative?
Think about what you hope that friendship or relationship will look like in real time
What will you do together? How will you communicate? How often will you communicate/ What will you share with them, what will you keep more private? How will you be there for them?
Think about the life you desire and how those friends and relatives fit into that life?
Has your life moved away from those relationships or are those relationships still important to the life you lead? What does that look like specifically?
Similar to any hobby, task, or endeavor you commit to, without updating your perceptions and expectations, you'll face failure. Relationships as with any endeavor in life requires continual nurturing and care, and without that those relationships will falter. I'll be thinking about how I might update my perseptions and expectations for the friends and relatives that mean so much to me in life--that's important to me. Onward.