We all face big decisions in life, and sometimes even though a decision impacts us, it may not be our decision to make. When is a life decision your decision, and when does that decision belong to someone else?
Yesterday after meeting with colleagues I enjoyed working with and colleagues I had a lot of respect for, I thought about the decision I made a few years ago to leave teaching. I admit, there are many aspects to teaching that I miss, but in reviewing my decision--it was clearly the right decision at the time. It was my decision to make, and using the trusty pro's and con's list strategy to guide my choice, I sided with the pro's for retirement from teaching which included time to care for my aging parents.
Yet, some decisions no matter how close you are to the situation are not your decisions to make. I realized this as I was thinking about the quandary a family member faces of whether to stay in his home or move. I'd like him to move closer to me because I could be more helpful to him if he were right down the street, but I understand his attachment to his home and neighbors. In so many ways this is not my decision to make--I don't have the authority or the support to make this decision so for the time being I have to step back and let those with the authority make that choice.
This decision dilemma also occurs when you watch people you care about go through all kinds of difficult times, the kind of times where they have to make tough decisions. For someone like me who wants life to be smooth and easy, I have an urge to make decisions for others, but I know that does no one any good as in situations good and bad, people, for the most part, have to make their own decisions. Also we can never walk in anyone else's shoes or truly understand the depth and complexity of their lives, and that's why we can't make decisions for others.
While we can't decide for others, we can support one another in all kinds of positive ways, and that's a better use of our energy. Onward.