As I considered the large number of 90+ people in my world, I wondered about my own life should I reach that age. I wondered if people will tire of me, and with guilt, I thought about how caring for our older relatives and friends can be tiring at times.
Why is it so tiring to care for older friends and relatives? How can we work against the fatigue that sets in, and what can we do to work against our loved ones feeling that way about us when we reach an age where we are greatly compromised? Can we build communities of care that work against this fatigue?
Communities of Care
I find myself longing for the kind of farm culture where multiple generations lived and worked closely together. In a community like this, it is easy for older relatives to live amonst love ones at their own pace as there are many to talk to, connect with, and help out as needed. Communities where family members and friends are distanced from one another do not lend themselves to as much good living for children, the elderly, and those with any kind of physical or cognitive limitations. I'm sad that we allowed our cultures to become somewhat cold with regard to community design and routines. I desire the kind of infrastructure that leads to greater closeness and care.
Creating Team
When people work together as compassionate, caring teams, caregiving is much easier. To care well for one another we need a good amount of compassionate, empathy, and teamwork. Without that, caregiving is very difficult and lonely. As a team, you share a common goal to provide the best possible care for one another.
I want to nurture a sense of team with my close family members. I want my children to grow up with a sense of commitment and value when it comes to caring for one another. I want them to make time for one another and take seriously what it means to be a vital and dynamic part of a family team. I want to be that kind of person too.
Respecting individuality
As we work together to care for one another, we have to respect each other's individuality too. That is a vital element to dynamic teams. In thinking about individuality, we have to acknowledge people's passions, needs, personalities, desires, and challenges. We can't expect people to be someone they are not, instead we have to value them for who they are and what they bring to the team.
Celebration
I'm a big fan of celebration, and believe that every team profits from shared celebrations now and then--the kind of celebrations where everyone contributes. These celebrations help to build shared memories, traditions, and a sense of joy amongst team members.
Contribution
People will tire of you if you only take from the team rather than give back. No matter your age, you can contribute to the greater community in significant ways. One of my oldest relatives continually gives her wisdom freely which has helped me to live my life well. I appreciate the time she gives me as I ask her questions and listen to her stories. Another older relative recently spent time pointing out a family member's strengths in specific and uplifting ways--I could tell that this interchange spurred a lot of positivity which was awesome. A younger family member hosted the family recently--she used her terrific, positive energy to bring the family together. Her energy and hospitality was apprecated by everyone. If you are part of a family, you have to find the ways that you can contribute to the family group.
Self reliance
We can never be fully self reliant. The truth of the matter is that people need each other. That said, you don't want to position yourself in a way that doesn't require any self reliance. No matter how compromised you are, you can find ways to care for yourself so that you're not taking advantage of others. One of my older relatives has chosen a place to live that affords her great self reliance. Because she moved from her home into an assisted living situation, she has a lot more independence than those who remain at home without the ability to be self reliant at home. I will likely follow my relative's decision when I reach that age too as I don't want to be overly reliant on my children's time and energy--I don't want them to tire of me because I require too much care and attention.
I want to create a caring community with my family--the kind of community where people work together to care for one another while still support each person's individual needs and interests. As I focus on culture shift, I want to think about how we'll shift in ways that work towards making a community like this thrive. Onward.